Today’s blog is about how our thoughts shape our reality and was inspired by a post I read a while back on the So You’ve Been Dumped forum.
It’s a very long thread where a guy was saying he kept attracting “stripper types” – but really just wants a “decent” girl. Once he wrote about his experience, other people responded, similarly, about their inability to attract suitable partners too.
My response, as ever, was different…I’ve selected various points I made for the blog today and hope they will help even just one person out there to think/feel a little differently…
Dr Wayne Dyer has a great phrase that is “We do not attract what we want, we attract what we are”…how this plays in with strippers, I am not quite sure – but I take a broader view. 🙂
In this thread a reference was then made that he’d been irritated to be seeing a really “plain” bartender who had a “hot girlfriend” – and people on the thread wondered how this kind of thing could be possible.
We’ve all seen examples of this sort of thing – the beauty and the beast type thing…
As for the “plain guy” with a gorgeous girlfriend? Well, obviously she’s a smart girl who knows to look beyond “looks” to find a good guy. There are plenty of us women like that.
Looks may reel us in at the first instance, but if there’s not more beauty underneath – most of us will toss the fish back!
Well, if we’re not total superficial types that is…We’ve all heard that beauty is only skin deep and I believe that to be true.
What is key, in my humble opinion, in dating and life in general is having good self esteem and self love. You can fake it for a while, but as people get to know you – they’ll see what’s underneath. So that mask will fall off eventually – and if you don’t have a good self-worth underneath it all, you’re a bit screwed (to be blunt).
For those who don’t (have good self-esteem) – a little affirmation like “I love and approve of myself” wouldn’t do you any harm…
I find that affirmations – combined with a whole host of other tools and techniques help me to keep my esteem on a solid level, but it’s something I work at on a daily basis – like someone would a diet or use an exercise regime.
People always think I am so “confident” but honestly, between you and me, I have to work at it….a lot. On a regular basis I have inner civil wars going on – it can be challenging reprograming years of self-limiting beliefs but it’s work that I believe is worth it.
For those open to finding love right now, keep affirming that to be the case – maybe a little “I attract loving, kind, faithful, like-minded people to my life” (I tend to keep my affirmations open but sometimes more specific where I may say “a partner” or “relationship” or whatever),…
As I said above, it’s not just about saying affirmations. They’re not magic. If it was a case of just spouting mantras we’d all be – thin, sexy, rich, beautiful, gainfully employed etc.
‘Course you can say all this stuff – the affirmations or mantras – until the cows come home, but if you don’t believe it will work, or that you’re worthy of it – if it does, then for sure it won’t. It will just be a bunch of words.
You have to first get rid of all those opposing thoughts. In other words, you avoid saying/thinking things like, “there are no good guys out there” because — guess what? You’ll attract more and more men that back up that life view! (Same goes for men attracting women).
We all know people who walk around, with negative comments and these people neither realise that they are negative (most of the time) or that they are the composers of their own misery symphony.
“All potential partners I meet are creeps and slappers” (or whatever words you keep using) – is the same story.
Try affirming “there are plenty of wonderful men/women out there and mine will show up right on time”.
It’s a little of “The Secret” – mixed with the Sedona Method and a whole host of others throw in.
But just remember- all of you “as you think so shall you feel”.
You keep affirming you feel “awful” and guess what – you get a little bit more.
I’ve dated that guy – “Mr Negative” who believes in all sorts of erroneous thoughts and life views, and he constantly created more and more Mind Made Misery (as I’ve dubbed it) for himself. It was so painful to watch, but what a great teacher he was for me!
So much negativity in one’s mind and out their mouth – no wonder they’re so unhappy…
But remember I started off with a Dyer quote and how we attract that which we are – so I needed to take a long hard look at the areas where I was negative and self-defeating because I must have been on some level to have manifested that relationship (and all my relationships).
Looking at myself, I noted that I had to change the way I thought and talked. I have to work on it every day, but as I shifted – so did my reality.
Be your own watcher. Notice what you think and the conversations you have. Notice them quietly as you listen to people around you – notice the positive and negative people and phrases. Just do that for today and see what conclusions you come to.
Some people seem like they can only say negative things about people and others the opposite. Which one would you really want to be around? I know which I choose.
Become what you’re seeking. That’s the key to this. It’s an inside job. None of you will find happiness and love in another person – if you do it will be short lived. No one else can fill your cup indefinitely!
Start the love on the inside and let it then emanate out.
Lao Tzu says “When you correct your mind – everything will fall into place”...Truer words can not be spoke.
What type of person are you guys and gals? We can tell a lot by the words people choose in their posts here on SYBD. And the funny thing about negative people (and I am not saying you guys and gals are) – they never know they’re negative! They’d deny it if you asked them if they thought they were.
I know – at times – we can all be or feel negative…but as an over all life choice – what are you?
Again – be the listener of your own thoughts, what you say and what those around you say. It’s a brilliant exercise to do. And do you find yourself joining in with how crap everything is at work – or in dating – or do you stay quiet? Or perhaps you offer a different point of view like I just did?
How you think shapes your life and your destiny so be sure and think constructive thoughts and not DE-structive thoughts, ok?
And if you are someone who realises what you’re doing in life isn’t work – be sure to check out some of the people who’ve helped me most over the past few years in the recent blog – about authors who can change your life.
At the end of the day, you have the choice in your life to create joy and peace or stress and misery. It’s all down to you, your life view, the beliefs you have, the thoughts you think and the words you speak. In any given moment, you’re the architect of your kingdom. So if you don’t like the way it’s shaping up – then change your approach.
As Dyer says “Change your thoughts, change your life”.