SYBD: Need a Break-Up Buddy?

Need a Break-up Buddy to lend an ear? Comment here.

“Misery loves company” – isn’t that what they say? Nowhere is that truer  than on  So You’ve Been Dumped. Around 50,000 global visitors – comprised of men and women, straight, bi-sexual and gay, from 16-60 (give or take) log on here each month.

As it’s the World Wide Web, it means that there are people logging into the Site – every hour of the day, but sometimes simply reading stories is just not enough…

So for people who are looking for a Break-up Buddy, read on! This is a term I coined years ago for people who are willing to offer their services, to be a support person for one or more people. Paying it forward, if you will. They may be in the trenches or have moved on completely (or may even be somewhere in between).

An SYBD “Sponsor”

Though I’ve never been in A.A. or anything like that, I’d sort of liken this person to be a sort of “sponsor” – someone who you can lean on when you feel challenged by your pain due to a break up. Maybe you use them to send the messages (rants) that you’d like to be sending to your ex.

You may ask them for advice or you might just need someone to be a sounding board – an empathetic ear.

SYBD Match-making

Over the years, I’ve watched people connect with others who logged on around the same time as each other. They often become close friends – private messaging, some times meeting up in person, and in doing so incredible bonds are formed.

It’s actually one of the most rewarding parts of my job – knowing that, because I was dumped all those years ago, these people are becoming friends (and sometimes even more!).

We have actually had a wedding – and a recent baby to boot! So something good definitely came out of their buddying up. (Note: Sorry, I can’t guarantee that something like that will happen to you).

It’s nice to see that when people’s world’s have often been, seemingly ripped apart, the these bonds help the site members put the pieces back together.

SYBD – A Movie

When I began filming my SYBD movie back in 2006, one of the questions I tended to ask was – did the people make any friends through the Site. Not surprisingly most of them said “yes”.

When asked if they still remained in contact – again most of them said “yes”.

So once again, please never under estimate the connection that can be made on the Web.

Reach Out To Your Buddy

So these break up buddies will be people you can call upon night or day – who will be willing to listen with empathy, and to keep you from contacting your ex (if you’re in a No Contact phase of recovery that is).

Many people have no one to talk to about their pain (or they’ve bored friends and family to death by now) so these “Breakup Buddies” can be a considerable help. Even for those who do have close family and friends – maybe they don’t really empathise or it’s been a long time since they went through a break up they don’t quite understand why you’re not “over it” by now.

So really these people, the Break Up Buddies, are different than your real friends because they’ll either be going through or just having been through – exactly what you are.

If you’re in the raw stage of recovery, or even just past it and in need of support, then the Break-up Buddy – may be just what you need to help you move on. The person may be around the corner – or around the world – but either way, their support will most likely be invaluable.

Don’t take my word for it – see for yourself. It’s a FREE option I am offering you – so what have you got to lose?

State your interest in the comments below. Please don’t put your full name or any links/email addresses. I’ll match you up with someone privately.

Or if there isn’t someone recent or fitting, then, in rare cases, I might just be your buddy myself! 🙂

If you haven’t already, please share how when and where your break up happened.

69 thought on “SYBD: Need a Break-Up Buddy?”

  1. Michael

    I have just been dumped by a girl that i was dating for three months, she said she isnt over her previous ex that she works with and wants time to get over him, she wont say that we will get back together but she still wants to be friends even though i am still in love with her. Im 25 male from omaha, i really could use someone to talk to that is going through the same thing as me.

  2. Tiffany

    Ihave been going through a breakup and trying 2 find me again! I find myslef wondering just what makes me happy! I need a buddy 2 help me through this process!

  3. Nicole

    I just broke up with my boyfriend who i was totally in love with. He has a 10 yr old daughter with a women who absolutly HATES me..and made him choose either his daughter or me. I cant sleep i cant eat..and to make it all worse he just moved RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME. Ive been reading its called a breakup because its broken and they said breakup buddys work and i think ive tried everything else and nothing seems to be workin 🙁

  4. David

    I am a father of two; with a woman who has no ability to control her emotions when she becomes angry. Abused verbally, emotionally and on one occasion physically. I cheated, we reconciled, we re-committed and had the best month we had ever lived in 7 years, then she walked. Left me the resposnibility of our house, vehicles, and we are still working to reslove communication issues to remain business partners and eventually friends.

    Anyone living the personal hell of loving someone so much, but not being able to connect with them? Feeling like shit, but working as an entertainer!! Wow! Someone help me….please…

    Did I mention we are stage partners too…Duo of clowns living/working a family entertainment company….I am sure there is irony here…

  5. Lou

    Hi, I’ve just found out my ex is seeing someone else, we broke up 6 weeks ago but had a real up and down relationship.

    My girlfriends are great but if I hear one more break up cliche I am going to scream! I don’t want the whole better off without him speech or the plenty more fish in the sea one or the it’s a rebound relationship so won’t last one, just want to be ok really.

    Feel really self indulgent saying all this!

  6. Dee Dee

    Hi,

    Seeing a guy who was younger than me and I didn’t realize how much I cared for him until he dumped me. He also called me simple and cursed at me once before. I did the dumb thing and begged for him to come back and he told me no, it’s been a month since I’ve seen him and a couple weeks of me not texting him and I want to continue to move on, just wish I had someone to talk to get my self esteem back up and just to have someone to talk to and help me realize that everything will be ok.

  7. thea Post author

    I know Dee Dee. It sucks. We can feel awfully ALONE when going through something like this. It’s hard to believe we will ever make it through the pain / heartbreak. Hopefully we’ll get the “break up buddy” thing back in action. Our friends and family mean well but there’s something to be said for sharing with people are going through just what we are – WHEN we are. The good news is that you can start to build the self esteem back up one day at a time – break up buddy or no break up buddy. I was exactly like you – starting out from square one having to be build a foundation of self worth. I still have to work on my own esteem – on a regular basis and my biggie break up was back in 99! But I’ll let you in on a secret – I believe everyone has some self worth issues in one way or another – it just manifests itself in different ways. When we remind ourselves of that it can help us go a little easier on ourselves. We’re human. Simple as that. And as a result we’re all flawed. We all have peaks and valleys – relationship no relationship. So you take care. Keep on keeping on.

  8. T-girl

    Hey…don’t want to give to much info out…but I am 31….smart, beautiful and a lot of fun…..NOT looking for a boyfriend…or a date…just looking to meet some new cool girl friends to go out with…want to expand my horizons lol….and create a fun social circle….of interesting…fun girls….who like to go out and have a fun time!! Since location does matter for convenience…if you are from brooklyn, queens or the city…shoot me a line…..

    And yes, you have to be a fun GIRL….lol….looking for some fun and cheer!!!!

    And, for all of you still hurting….it does get better….and your life will be more rewarding…and you will find you again….just give it time….be creative and spontaneous!

  9. Tee

    Hi,

    My boyfriend of only 10 weeks has finished with me. I know it wasn’t long but the thing is we had got really close very quickly and on top of that I’d been single for 2 and a half years before that where I was dumped after and 2 and half year relationship and before that my husband left me after an almost 20 year relationship! I know I sound like such a loser but really I’m not. Really am unlucky in love I guess. Feel so lonely and low at the moment.

  10. thea Post author

    Geez T you don’t sound like a “loser” at all. You sound as human as the rest of us hon. I know it’s hard to split up regardless of how long it lasted but do try to find the positives in this. Namely it was not 10 months or 10 years down the road again. What did you get out of the relationship? Intimacy? Sex? Nice meals? A good friend? What? Wrote those things down and be grateful for them. Know that all relationships end one way or another so it’s not just you! I wonder if more people that not have shorter relationships these days and more of them. It seems like many relationships are disposable if you will. I see this more and more. What was his reason for leaving hon? Had he come off the back of another relationship? Perhaps dated too soon? Or did something trigger it? A fight or change in perspective? You take care. You’re just human like the rest of us. Not a loser. Heck a loser would get no guys at all – so sounds like you’re a winner to me! 🙂 x

  11. Ali

    I had been with my girlfriend for almost three years. I loved her, but now she has left me. She says we don’t have a future together. I need someone to talk to. I feel worthless.

  12. Mark

    I honestly feel like my purpose in life has just been took away. I loved her, i know i did, and when she said she didn’t think it was working i pretty much just broke down. This happened yesterday and ive hardly said a word since. We are going to be friends, i know it, because she’s one of the nicest people i know and i understand why i loved her. Bt ive just gone into a deep depression. Please help me

  13. thea Post author

    Mark, I can honestly say that though I know how you can FEEL that way it’s not true. No person is your source of happiness or purpose. That’s a random idealistic view of love / life. You may be TEMPTED to be her pal right now but please don’t even try until some time has passed. Until you can picture her (or hear about her) with some other guy, intimately and it doesn’t rip your heart out! Then you can try to be friends. See the video on this site on the video page of Can Exes Be Friends?

    You’ve not “gone into deep depression” – please watch the wording that you’re using (the things you say to yourself) lest you make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’re hurting. It just happened a day or two ago. Of course it’s going to suck for a while…it always does when we are left coming to terms with someone else’s decision to walk away.

    It’s natural that you broke down, that you’re hurting, but when you start to think about doing something – think “is this what a healthy, happy attractive guy would do”? Be the kind of guy any woman would want to be with. If you’re not that way right now – then work each day toward that.

    Allow yourself to grieve, write things out (here or in a notebook or on a computer – whatever), talk to your friends, cry if needs be, but work through this to the other side…watch films, work out, go to some gigs, take a wee road trip,…och, I don’t know, you’ll find whatever your path is just for you, but keep processing it.

    You’re going to be ok you really are. I firmly believe that anyone who CHOOSES to get over it, to be happy, to love again, they will. It’s a CHOICE, plain and simple. It’s very much (but not all) down to how we choose to THINK about things. You can choose to think it’s the end of the world or the opportunity to work on yourself, learn and grow and be an even BETTER MAN (to quote pearl jam) as a result!

    You work on you, focus on your future and your “purpose”, and either it will result in reconciliation with her, or you’ll be moving on to someone even better!! Keep me posted hon x

  14. Zara

    My boyfriend is 22 and I 37. AS I am a dancer, ballet, jazz, professional one, I really look like very younger. It makes my sentimental life this mess, because boys under 25 are frequently coming to me, and I ended up with 2 relationships with younger men.
    I don’t care, but they come to me as T.M, and we have a realtionship that lasts 4 months. We have really good moments, and he most of the times looks really in love with me and keep on repeating: if you was my age, I would take you home .. and in another day he was a little agressive with the words and resists any feeling or etc.. He broke up with me 3 times, about going behind other girls and it lasts one day for him to discover he wanted to be with me again. I tryied to resist, but I always couldn’t and we end up together… till his last month on the ship (we where crew members on a cruise ship), when he found another girl, 24 years old, not too much atractive, but he stood with her for his lasts 3 weeks. Actually, he kick her out 3 times or more and of course, one of them he came back to me, I didn’t accept him, but one day later as he kept insisting and I’m very in love with him, we have a night together, after this he desapeared and went back to her.
    Ok
    He went home. I came home (it was september) I was not even saying hello to him, because we have a little dicsussion about the last time I felt used. But in the last day we gave a hug and that was it.
    2 weeks later, I was home so I was avaliable on the internet. He become to talk with me.. and now it’s has been frequently (every day). But one of the days I said I have someone trying to date me.. So he put a picture on his profile with the girl. And he is saying me he misses her etc… Two days ago he was really drunk and he beggining to talk with me that he wanted to marry me.He was with the two bests friends telling me as well he can’t stop talking about me… (bu it could be this girl no? Ireally don’t know)He told me how bastard he was on the ship when i did some good things to him and he couldn’t recognize it etc.. crying.. Then that I was the best sex ever (it he uses to tell me on the ship, that then the best times was with me). that he misses me, and if I was there with him he would hold me…kiss me.(AS we where in webcam he showed me his mobile with pictures and movies he made of us, when we was together)
    Suddenly I told him, but you told me you didn’t want me anymore, that you want this other girl. So he told me that she was a really nice girl, very good soul but I was the best sex ever and(so I ask if I wasn’t a good soul, he told me yes as well..) Then he cames with: but she has my age… we match.. etc… That if I was his age he would marry me at the same moment…
    And so I realize that he tryes to find out some bad things about me as reasons to quit becouse of my age. But he was on the camera, like not going to sleep just to be with me more time…
    Ok so today he told me that he doesn’t want to be with me.. that he cares about other, how can he caring about other, love me? He couldn’t say he loves the other, he couldn’t say he don’t love me at any time. But he told me I’m really older than him and it’s not possible to have future with me…
    I just want to know, does he loves me and is trying to resist it? will he resist till the point of seeing he cannot lives without me? Or: Do I have no hopes? Do you think in this case I have to have any hope? Am I living in a private world thinking he will love someday and he just don’t care?? Please Help me, although I’m 37, I still have a heart, and love him badly…
    Thanks if you at least red it.

  15. thea Post author

    Hello hon. Sorry about this. Age doesn’t mean we don’t have broken hearts eh? It’s time to move on. Stop wasting your time on boys and find someone over 30 at the minimum and possibly over 40. While age doesn’t have to be a deal breaker – the fact is who you are in your early 20s is not who you are in your late 30s. You’re at totally different periods in life. If he was 35+ and you 50+ it would make LESS of a difference but the fact is, that this guy is young and immature too. He liked you. You liked him. You both had fun but it’s time to let this one go and work out why you are settling for a relationship such as this.

    REAL LOVE is about mutual respect, kindness, and honesty. What you have is more likely LUST than LOVE to be honest. It’s an EGO boost knowing you’re 37 and look young and can attract boys but that’s all they are. BOYS. I am sure he cares for you and you do him but I suspect it’s time to gratefully let this one go. Who knows where the future will take you both? Maybe on down the road your paths will cross but for now he should be with 25 year olds or whatever. Trying on different people. That’s what the 20s are about. You’re in your late 30s and if you want a real relationship and maybe a family then it’s time to change your bait.

    You may not understand some of this as I am guessing you speak a different language but hopefully you can the gist of what I am saying?

    Let go. Move on. If a relationship is right you don’t need to DECIPHER it. You know? You feel it. They feel it. There are no games. There is no confusion!

  16. Zara

    OH Thea! Thank you very much indeed! Is so good to be heard by someone that seems to care about us in such situation! Thank you very much! I really so reluctant to get inside this relationship, but I feel very fragile always and use to give my love very easily. This happens when I’m with older guys as well. But you helped me very much! Specially with the lasts sentences! I saw “the write on the wall”! isses

  17. Deb

    Ten weeks on from the strange and out-of-the-blue dumping by my boyfriend of three and a half years. The emotional rollercoaster has calmed down and the pervasive grief has begun to fade and is being replaced with anger, for the moment. Nothing he has said has made any sense, it is all so irrational and I have to keep stopping myself from trying to rationalise. I read a lot, talk about it a lot, make bad jokes about it, but in the cold wee hours I just go on and cry. I think age matters, because at my age — 42 — there is an expectation that I can finally get it right, that maturity and a longing for deeper connections wins out over all the baggage. It takes two though. I feel like a failure. I feel I have let myself down, let him down, let my children down. I feel I will be judged and I feel I will not be strong enough to tell him to get stuffed if he comes crawling back. Maybe I just go with the flow on that one. Friends with advice are good to listen to. Work out who I can trust, and who has their own agenda, their own insecurities that emerge out of my breakup. The midnight text messages don’t eventuate too often, but they do, and the last one wasn’t answered. I would do better sending them to someone else.

  18. R

    I’m 22. Broke up with a boyfriend of 3 years for what may be the “best”. Don’t trust my own thinking at this point so I’m sticking with the decision until I can trust myself to make the right decisions. Currently trying to plough through the “no contact” phase. I think it’ll be easier to help myself by helping someone else so looking for an available break up buddy.

  19. thea Post author

    Hi R. Will try to match you with someone to talk to (from somewhere in the world) who is going through what you are.

    No Contact is sooo challenging. I’ve said many-a-time that I suck at it. But once you get some time under your belt it tends to get a bit easier.

    Take care hon. x

  20. EMlove

    need someone to chat with at night. I cant sleep since my partner has been gone please message me for motivational late conversation. thanks Restless

  21. thea Post author

    I sent you an email the other day. Did you get it ok? Hope you’re hanging in there. Maybe Mr W would be a good person to talk to. He’s having a challenging time too…

  22. Nicole

    This website has really helped me since I discovered it a few days ago. My boyfriend of 2yrs dumped me out of the blue almost two weeks ago. He went on a cruise with his family (it really upset me that I wasn’t invited) and upon getting back he kicks me out of our apartment and says he needs “space.”

    One day later he calls me on his lunch break and tells me we aren’t good for him. I’m still in shock. Before he left, and while he was on the cruise, he told me how much he loved me and how he couldn’t wait to see me again. He went on and on about how I was his “soulmate” and he felt empty without me while he was away.

    Then the last day of his cruise he TOTALLY flipped on me. He started saying that I tried to keep him from this amazing experience with his family and so on…I can’t make sense of this. I picked him up from the airport and he was so angry with me. He kicked me out abruptly and I’ve been miserable ever since. I can’t believe someone that loved me so much could do that…we were going to get married. He always told me how perfect I was for him…and I believed it. Anyway, thanks for reading this. I don’t know if you’re still doing break-up buddies but if you are I could really use one

  23. Nicole

    Thank you, Thea. I’ve been through breakups before but never like this. I just feel so helpless

  24. Josh

    Hi Laura! Hope all is okay. Breakup buddies are great, but as I have found out, the email exchanges are…well, they tend to fizzle out. There is great back and forth, for sure, but keeping it going is like keeping a long-distance relationship going, it seems. Is there anything on the blog you wanted to talk about? If need be, I’ve got your breakup buddy back.

  25. Lynda

    Hi Josh / Thea,

    I stumbled upon this website today and found it interesting. I just spent and ‘wasted company’s resources’ (LOL..doing this at work) over an hour reading the cpmments by Josh and the rest..I was also dumped (hate that word) on 17th January of this year (what a way to ‘welcome’ the new year, huh?)..I am not sure if the breakup buddy system is still going but I hope so. I hope to find myself a breakup buddy and promise that I will not let it fizzle out . Hopefully Josh can be my breakup buddy as I find his breakup story touching and a great confidante..

  26. Thea

    I will pass your details on to Josh and maybe another guy if that’s ok. He was asking for a breakup buddy some weeks ago and not sure anyone came forward for him…Might be good to have both men’s perspectives. One further down the road and one less so?

    Hang in there.

    Thea x

  27. Lynda

    No problem Thea. Anyone will do. As long as i can share, whine and rant with a fellow breakup victim like myself. I love this site. Been nearly a month since the fateful day, slowly healing but still going through ups and downs throughout the day. I can be really negative in the morning ( have you ever felt the immense heaviness in your heart every morning when you wake up? The pain is unbearable. I still feel that every single morning since he broke up with me) and then feel pretty positive as the day wears on and then its back to negative again. Im feeling negative again now.

  28. Nigel

    Hi, i recently posted my break up story on this site. It really is a wonderful site. I don’t as yet know if having a break up buddy would help either of us to come to terms with everything, but it cannot hurt to try.

    Nige

  29. Andrea

    I need a break-up buddy! I hurt so much.

    My boyfriend and I broke up about 1 month ago. He also said numerous times that he felt trapped but also that he loved me more than he has loved anyone on the world. One foot in, one foot out for our entire relationship of four years. I have come to realize that he was unemotionally unavailable with limited capacity for commitment and I just ignored the red flags. I thought that because he said he loved me so much, he would be different with me. But you can’t have a healthy relationship when the commitment isn’t there. I know because I tried for four years and he kept asking for more time until I finally gave him an ultimatum and then he asked for a week!

    In the end he said he couldn’t do it. I was and still am completely heartbroken. I have created my life around this man and I loved him so much. I still love him so much. But I felt insecure and unstable in the relationship all the time. Even when we progressed, we often regressed. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life would me but didn’t want to marry me. He said we should have a kid and then we could get married. But that didn’t felt right. I wanted and begged him to pick me. He didn’t. He wasn’t ready. I don’t think he would be ready no matter how much time I gave him.

    In the end, I had no choice but to give him the ultimatum because I was doing poorly. My self-esteem was lower than it has been in a long time and I realized that I had let go of my boundaries while in the relationship, ended up taking more and more responsibilities, while he got by without doing much but always keeping the relationship on his terms. Even now he is conflicted about the break-up, which just hurts more. I see that I neglected myself while being in a relationship with him. He disrespected me, he was rigid, and unwilling to compromise and make space for my needs and wants and desires. He gave me crumbs and I stayed. He loved me, but the relationship was dysfunctional.

    The worst part is that even though I know that the relationship was unhealthy, I still love him and I hurt so much. I still want him to change and to come back to me and I wish that I didn’t. I don’t know how to reconcile the fact that he is not what is good for me and the hope that he will change and get his act together and come back to me. And then I worry about whether or not I would take him back! And when I don’t have those thoughts, I just hurt. The world just seems bleak to me right now. I could really use someone to talk to, please.

  30. Hansen

    Hi all,

    I’m going through the same thing all of you guys are going through. We all know how much it sucks and how much we could really need someone to talk to. If any of you would like, please add me on skype and we can message or even talk if we would like that.

    My Skype name is covert.muffin

    March on, y’all.

  31. Alex

    Andrea,

    Although my relationship didn’t become as serious as yours did, I really feel your pain. I was in it for a year and a half, ignored several red flags because she said sorry and yet here I was. Sometimes feel like I was also toy-ed around with, some days yes some days not so much until we decided to break off. I am young and know this relationship is very unhealthy, and yet I can’t stop thinking and wishing how good it would be to start again wit her. The break-up has hurt a lot, I think she might be looking for interests elsewhere and like you I can’t get over her especially when I think of her with other people.

    I could also use someone to talk to, luckily I keep busy during the day but I do get very lonely often and wouldn’t mind somebody listening to me without judging me, I can’t bother my friends and family everyday.

    Thanks.

  32. Gray

    My partner of 16 years gave me 12 hours to accept that our relationship was over. It has been almost a year and i am still not coping well. I really don’t know how to get out of the dark place that has consumed me ever since. Tears, misery, panic attacks, feelings of despair and betrayal are part of my every day life. I am out of options and cannot go on like this 🙁

  33. Connie

    Interesting site for sure! I’d like to be able to rant to other women out there so I’m no tempted to txt my ex. I’m currently going on month 3 after a 13 year relationship where I gave 100% and only got 20% in exchange. I realize I need to move on, but its hurtful to think I was so stupid for so long and allowed this person to help raise my kids when all he did was use me for free housing etc.

  34. Hansen

    Alex, Gary, Connie,

    I’d love to listen and share my experience with you. My contact info is above. Please feel free to reach out.

    Best

  35. Thea

    Tell me a wee bit more about where you are, what happened, how long ago it happened and let me see if I can find someone that is suitable! x

  36. Rach

    This website is great and has helped me just by reading other peoples stories.

    I’m going through a hard time at the moment, and im trying hard to stay positive.
    Just recently stopped seeing the guy, which i know was the best decision because we both were at different stages, but its hard to accept that and move on at times. We didn’t leave things negatively which is great, its just I have fallen for him and I want to vent and move on 🙂

  37. Alys

    Just went through a really crappy breakup. Basically lost the only man I ever felt I loved after a year of happiness. Would like someone to talk to about what it’s like.

  38. Schel

    To all who have trouble believing it gets better: trust me, it does.

    I woke up today, looked outside and the sun was shining. I cleaned my appt, playing my music loud while I did. I wrote on my website and went outside for a walk. I feel…content. The feeling of loss is gone, I can look back and see the things for what they are, no residual bad feelings.
    It gets better, yall just hang in there.

  39. Mel

    Hello,

    It looks like this forum hasn’t been used in a while. I just broke up with “the one” about a month ago. I am still devastated. I am 24. If possible i’d love a break up buddy… I think I am driving my friends and family crazy. I am looking for someone in as bad of a place as me to vent and relate to.

  40. Brett

    Hi
    Would also love a break up buddy, I am 43 and just lost “the one” after being together over 20 years.
    It’s nice to vent and talk to somebody who can relate.

  41. Tom

    I was dumped horribly. At 67, I loved her so very much in totality. Soon after she gleefully reported she will be getting married. At such an older age in life, being alone is awful-my hopes and dreams crushed and I have no hope of happiness again at this age. She seems happy to have crushed me. Letting go seems so impossible and I hurt so badly. I feel worthless. Maybe there’s a woman somewhere in the world who understands my utter despair?

  42. Thea

    I am so sorry to hear your story Tom. I’ve passed on details to another site member here, a gentleman, and hopefully you two can be helpful to each other. I am sure you feel lost and worthless – everyone does in a situation like this but you have to remember you’ve had setbacks, hurts and disappointments before and you’ve always gotten through them. Life has never given you anything you can’t handle and this is honestly no different.

    Trust me I’ve run the site for 16 years (almost) and I launched it out of my own somewhat bitter experience.

    You have EVERY hope of happiness at any age so change that thought. Any time it comes up in your head hit “Cancel” (say it out loud) because it’s bullshit quite frankly. Totally untrue. You have a tough road a head most likely, for a wee while anyway, and then the Spring will thaw and you’ll realise you’re starting to feel happier again.

    Happiness truly is the best revenge. And you will be happy again if that’s the CHOICE you make. Holidays make it tougher, no doubt, but get on through them moment by moment and you’ll gradually start to feel different.

    You are worthy. She’s just ONE woman but you need to be the kind of guy any would be happy to be around. That’s down to YOU and no one else ok? Work through the anger, hurt, and bitterness and find the gratitude for the little things, the sunshine, the snow, a walk, a chat with a friend, sitting in front of a warm fire, reading good book or watching a movie….little things.

    Focus on the little things to stop yourself getting overwhelmed by the bigger things.

    Trust me, as I say, 16 years here I’ve seen it all – young and old – feeling hopeless only to find it was just temporary.

    If you want to feel love and be loved again hon, you will. Mark my words!

    Thea x

  43. Ela

    Hi,
    my story is a bit different than others, but I’m definitely going through a breakup.

    We started as colleagues but soon became friends. We thought similarly and were a great team. We worked for two partner companies, basically he couldn’t take any decision without my approval and vice versa. Very soon I fell in love like never before. I don’t know what he felt, but he definitely liked me. Once, when we met for a drink, we ended at his place. I was hoping it was a beginning for us, but it wasn’t and from then on it all went downhill. I felt so insecure that I interpreted negatively every situation and reacted angrily. In some cases he didn’t behave ok, but in some I definitely overrreacted. It was like a chain reaction: I thought something, he became distant, I was angry that he didn’t want to meet etc. In big things, though, I was always there. Whenever he was ill I offered help, I comforted him when he was bad and when he was leaving to a dangerous place I asked him to send messages so that I knew he was alive. The latter really touched him. Recently I discovered he had spent last two holidays with another girl. I had no idea and felt hurt and betrayed. I gathered courage and wrote him (it was when he was away) about my feelings and that I needed to break contact to be able to get over him, I added that the fact he’d kept it from me a secret after whole our story really did hurt.

    I am at the beginning of my getting-over-him way. I cried the whole last week but I also managed to analyze my part. I acknowledged my mistakes and apologized for them. I realized also where is the source of my insecurity that triggered them. It hurts that I had to lose him in the process, but I know now what my weak points are, what do I have to work on and who I don’t want to be.

    I may seem strong and on a good path, but I would like to have someone to talk. My best friend is in the last days of her pregnancy and although she supports me, obviously she has important things on her mind too. There are moments when I feel empowered, but also many when the only thing I can think of is that he doesn’t want me.

  44. Ren

    HI, i am a 49 year old woman going thru a very unexpected break up. I was dumped by my boy-friend and
    he moved on to next relationship . I am going thru very difficult period. I would welcome support from a male .

  45. Debbie

    Somebody please help me. I am so confused & in a very dark place, with even darker thoughts. The full story is too long to even try to put on here, so I will give the very basics of it. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me last September. I didn’t cheat or lie or do anything wrong. The worst thing about me is that I have anxiety. We ran into each other about 6 weeks after the breakup & we were working things out. Then about 4 months later he broke up with me again. But we’ve remained in contact & he tells me he’s confused on what he wants. There was an ex, if you’d even call her that, that would keep coming into the picture off & on, from the start of our relationship & making things hard for us. She is back again. Please…I don’t know what to do or where to turn or who to even talk to. I am so lost, beyond depressed & my heart is completely shattered.

  46. Debbie

    Somebody please help me. I am so confused & in a very dark place, with even darker thoughts. The full story is too long to even try to put on here, so I will give the very basics of it. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me last September. I didn’t cheat or lie or do anything wrong. The worst thing about me is that I have anxiety. We ran into each other about 6 weeks after the breakup & we were working things out. Then about 4 months later he broke up with me again. But we’ve remained in contact & he tells me he’s confused on what he wants. There was an ex, if you’d even call her that, that would keep coming into the picture off & on, from the start of our relationship & making things hard for us. She is back again. Please…I don’t know what to do or where to turn or who to even talk to. I am so lost, beyond depressed & my heart is completely shattered.

  47. Rain

    My partner of 9 years kicked me out a few days ago; didn’t even give me time to find a decent place to go. I truly felt that she was the love of my life. We would say we always wanted each other, and wanted to grow old together. And now this. I am so devastated. It’s not easy for me to meet people as it is, and with no friends or family around, I truly feel so alone and and I’m really not coping well with this at all. “Heartbreak” can be real, it seems. It hurts so much.

  48. pain is real right now

    I need a break up buddy.. I’m hurting so bad. My boyfriend of 5 years just left, packed up, left me and the dog behind. Not without warning. It’s such a goddamn long story of my pathetic life…
    We met when he was 18, I was 20… we started officially dating about a month after meeting. We’ve been thru so much bullshit… grew into adulthood together. And now, after all the SHIT we’ve both put up with, conquering all of it just because we wanted to be in each other’s lives.. he now, just doesn’t love me anymore. Ouch.

    We had a bad break up 8 months ago, he left me after finding me at a friends house who he disliked. Long story, I was in the wrong here.. he maybe could have been more understanding, but I should have talked to him more. Moving on,
    We were apart for a month.. maybe 1 week no contact.. started by chatting about the pain we were both in.. every other day.
    I felt him regretting his decision and felt him missing me and our special needs, anxiety ridden dog, who was having a rough time due to the split. I just felt it, and when opportunity knocked, I went to his house and within a few weeks we were (secretly) dating again. By secretly, we never told our close friends. I approached him multiple times about it, but he seemed embarrassed by me (should have been my first clue), and I figured it was only a matter of time until he started hanging with his friends often enough again that they would find out. But he didnt.. wanted to be with me… (control)… ugh. now I see the signs.

    1 month ago, he brought up that he wanted to break up with me, saying he couldn’t give anything more. I convinced him we could make it.
    Part of me hoped that tonight, when he came to say goodbye to our dog, chat about our belongings, and close things up for good, that he would end up staying with me.
    That part of me was stronger than I thought.
    He said, “I just stopped loving you.” “I can’t see myself having a future with you anymore.” “I don’t picture myself marrying you.” But.. how?.. but how does it just.. stop? I’m crushed, I’m so heartbroken, and still so in love with him.. I can’t talk to my friends, they think we broke up 8 months ago. now I’m lost. I need him, and desperately want him back. How could he do this to me..

  49. Cansu KAYA

    Hi,
    I was having a 4 months relationship and he just told me that he saw his ex girlfriend and realised that he is still not over her and that we need some time. I dont know what to do or what to feel. I really feel upset and surprised. I would like to talk to someone who had a similar experience. Thanks.

  50. Koko

    I just ended it today with a guy i’ve been seeing for over a year. He wasn’t a jerk, just not at all emotional and I felt he was just being nice to keep me as a f**k buddy. We dissed me on Vday.. we got back together, but then on Easter he went on a ski trip and I just knew he would never plan a trip like that for us and I just told him it was over. Now I am wondering if I made a mistake.. I texted him too many times now, and I called but he didn’t answer. We are just not on the same page and I don’t feel valued. It’s easy to break up with a jerk or because someone cheated..but it’s hard when it’s a nice guy who just wasn’t in love. I am sad and would love someone to talk to.

  51. Thea

    Sorry to hear you’re sad hon.

    Where would you like people to reach you. This is the one post I allow people to put a social media link – FB, Twitter, G+, Youtube – where?

  52. Swatilekha

    He dumped me after 3 years of togetherness. Mentally and physically, I don’t think I can be with somebody else. He said he fell out of love with me. This just hurts like hell. Its been 3 months that he dumped me and I still can’t move on. Knowing myself, this is gonna be dragged for years to come. I just don’t know what to do. Everyday I am praying to god to give him back to me. Never thought life would bring me to a place like this.

  53. Sun

    I am devastated. The relationship was on and off for over 10 years. Just writing this makes me feel like crap. Why did I let it carry on like this. I just hope things would change and we would be together. I wasted my life on this guy. How I found out its truly over. I texted him and he’s response was who is this. Before that he lied, used me. I’m so low.

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