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HELP: Social Networking is a Mixed Blessing

Information Highway
Information Highway

When things are going good in life – those online networking sites can be a real treat, can’t they?  You know, Facebook, MySpace, Bebo et al.  You can keep a voyeuristic eye on all your friends and what they’re up to…When you break up though – it gets a bit more tricky…”Delete or not to delete?” that is the question.

Some members – and myself – have some comments on the subject – so please read on…

Just as “is it possible being friends with an ex?” is a common question (or topic) on So You’ve Been Dumped – and so is how you handle breaking up in the Networking age. The road to recovery on the Information Super Highway if you will…

RELATIONSHIP STATUS – UGH

It’s a total nightmare seeing their status go from “in a relationship” to “single” or even back to “in a relationship” — only this time with someone else! Ugh! (That’s why I just leave my status as “it’s complicated” – then if I am single or not – it doesn’t change.)

I say, “ignorance is bliss”.

PICTURES TELL A THOUSAND WORDS

Just Leave
Just Leave

Oh boy, don’t even get me started on seeing their PHOTOS on their profiles. Sometimes they’re with other people. Sometimes it’s just them. Often they’re out having fun and it feels like they’re rubbing salt in a wound – (intentionally or not). Ouch!

What’s worse is the fact that even if you delete your ex – you can still end up seeing the dang photos on your mutual friends’ pages. This is particularly an issue with Facebook…is it not?

So each week it seems that someone comes on to SYBD and posts a question about what to do with their Facebook (or other) networking site or profile.

Should they delete the profile? Should the avoid the site? Should they delete the ex as a friend? What about the mutual friends?

Honestly who knew this stuff would get so complicated???

A lovely site member, FIREMAN BRAD (Aka “Brad”) had some good advice I thought I’d share with you…The thread is dated more than two years ago – now has many merged threads into one about social networking sites.  Truly a hot topic it spans more than eight pages.

I asked Brad if he’d mind if I used his words for the blog and he said that was OK. So, thanks Brad.

Brad says:

Guys and girls. You don’t need to avoid these sites, you just need to manage the information getting back to you. You can do this in a number of ways.

1. Change your settings to reduce the alerts getting back to you from mutual friends etc.

2. Speak to any mutual friends and explain that you will be deleting them for a while. They should understand.

3. Delete or block an ex from your profile. This would require an embarrassing re-adding as a friend – should you want to stalk them at a later date – which should be off-putting enough.

Failing that, have an almighty blazing row with your ex calling them all names under the sun (effing this and that etc) which should result in them deleting and blocking you, solving your problem in one fell swoop. This approach worked well for me.

I didn’t see why I should stop having fun on Facebook because of an ex, and don’t see why anyone else should either.

Treat Facebook as you would your life – in that you carry on with your life, but just amend your routine somewhat.

***

That’s actually some pretty sage advice. Just do what works for you. Some people can handle it better than others.

A one-time poster William said this – which I quite liked:

Facebook/Myspace are the worst places to have your ex. It’s just an opportunity for unhealthy stalking. And whatever you see on their page is never good. Even if it’s only half as bad as your imagination makes it out to be. I deleted my ex fairly soon after the breakup. Not out of anger so much as self-preservation. I’m not sure if she even noticed and am that much closer to not caring.

And a girl HeartMurmur also posted her experience of recovering in the Social Networking age:

My girlfriend and I were friends on FaceBook – but the day after she broke up with me, I deleted her. I don’t know if she wanted to remain my friend on FB, all I know is that it felt sooo good to delete her! And if I didn’t, it would’ve probably taken me a lot longer to get over her. Making a clean break is great advice on this site. So maybe you should delete your ex on FB if you haven’t already.

Thankfully I am not friends with any exes on FaceBook so I don’t have that worry but if I did have an ex on there – you can be they’d be de-friended quick smart! Again do what works for you, and if something does work for you – tell us about it. Whatever you do – avoid the snooping and stalking…NO GOOD CAN COME FROM IT! I’m telling ya…

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