HEARTBREAK KNOWS NO BOUNDS…At just seventeen years old, a student in England, Indian Moon, joined soyouvebeendumped.com back in 2003. She was struggling to get over the end of her relationship that lasted less than six months.
Indian met her ex through a friend at a party. It had been quite quiet initially so they got to chatting amongst themselves. They found out that they had a lot in common (and fancied each other) straight away – so within a few weeks, they were dating.
Looking back, I see it was a pretty un-inspirational relationship, but at the time it was everything to me. He was my “first love” and I had no idea that the harder you fall in love with someone the harder you can fall out of love. This was the case for me.
I suppose I was a prime example of how the mind can play tricks on you and you can see the person in an “untouchable” way – which can be dangerous for your well being, as you are making them bigger than they actually are. It was almost like I had been putting him on a pedestal.
A few months down the road and Indian’s first relationship came to a grinding halt, and to this day she is still none-the-wiser as to what went wrong. It was the beginning of summer and Indian’s ex had, seemingly, been ignoring her for a few weeks. When they finally did have the awkward ‘final conversation’ – it lasted less than five minutes. Her first post chronicled her pain.
This was my first real break up with guy. It wasn’t even that long relationship, but was the first guy I ever really connected with, and I felt he could understand me. It all started to go wrong when he stopped answering my calls. Then I get a phone call to say, ‘I don’t think this is working. Goodbye’. That’s all I got! I’ve had no explanation, still to this day.
But it gets worse. All the time that I was calling him, he was telling all his mates that I’m an obsessive spoiled brat etc, and they were laughing about me behind my back. All I wanted was to find out what was wrong. Why is that so bad to do?
As time progressed, Indian’s story became more complicated when other people in their circle of friends involved in the situation.
I was mates with one of his (girl) mates, and we got on really well, until about six months later. My ex-boyfriend actually rang her up and says to her, ‘You have to choose – it’s either me or her’ AND OF COURSE, SHE CHOSE HIM! I didn’t stop crying for three days straight.
He was telling all of his mates (who were my mates too) about our personal stuff and he was letting them listen to voice mails I’d left him. It’s was all so harsh, but I couldn’t seem to stop him. I felt so exploited by what he has done to me and everyone he’s told seemed to be giving me the cold shoulder. I never knew that love could turn to hate so damn quickly.
When the end came it was a shock for Indian Moon. She reflects back on the time just following the break-up.
When he ended it, it was shock, but it took a while for the tears to come. When they did finally hit me, they were unstoppable! At the time, I just went around in a daze for a few weeks. I was constantly distracted. I just couldn’t get him off my mind. Everything began to suffer around me. I couldn’t concentrate on anything at all, so I kept calling him up and asking him “why?” When he didn’t pick up, I instantly thought he was with another girl. I completely tortured myself.
From the onset, Indian and her ex had agreed to try to be ‘just friends’, but as in so many cases, that theory proved harder in practice. Many months down the road, she realised that he wasn’t treating her like a friend, in fact, he was treating her quite the opposite.
I called him up and shouted at him. Though we had agreed to be friends, he still continued to treat me badly. One day, I finally snapped and left an immensely angry message on his answer phone, just yelling (“effing and blinding” etc). He then retaliated through text, and it was the WORST text message I have ever seen.
A few days after that, that our mutual friend finished her friendship with me, and lots of other people started to follow suit soon after. Not having that so called support system really dragged me down and I cried non stop for a week.
Once Indian hit rock bottom after that experience, things rather started to turn around soon after. The beauty of hitting ‘rock bottom’ is that the only way is up. This experience was a bit of a wake-up call for her.
Things began to change about five days after the lowest ebb. I finally grabbed the opportunity of him (and my so-called friends) not being in my life – and I thought hard about how I could make it better. I was in my last eighteen months of school and I began to plan ahead of things to do in my life. I did this about little things like what I was going to do for the day, to huge things like planning my gap year. I threw myself into my work and busied myself with things to do at the weekend. I was doing everything I could to keep myself from thinking about him.
My main achievement was when I went to South Africa for six weeks – and stayed for two and a half months by myself. By putting myself in a completely new situation with new people etc, it really helped me put things into perspective, and changed me in a positive way. I now enjoy life so much and think it’s great. Throughout my trip, I didn’t think about my ex at all, whereas before I went, I couldn’t stop thinking about him!
As Indian started to heal – she began to look at ways to improve her life. She got involved in many different projects and saw a bit of the world in the process.
Having one of the nicest birthdays that I’ve ever had, (a mix between nice, calm and sweet – with crazy wild) made me realise that there were people who cared for me, knew me before the whole ex even came along, and the liked me for who I am.
After immersing myself in acting, I gained a part in a play of which I always wanted. I performed in front of loads of people for a week-long run. In fact, I even did a one night performance at a top notch West End Theatre in London. It probably doesn’t sound like much, but there was a lot of hard work involved. That was an experience that I’ll never ever get in my life again. It was amazing, and therefore it was so worth it!
I discovered SYBD, and without it, I would not have recovered quite so fast. I “met” such nice people on there who were sympathetic, yet tough, with me if they needed to be. It really helped me put things into perspective.
I passed my A-levels, which inspired me to take a year out and do two more A-levels, part-time, at a new college. New start new beginnings, so far so good
After splitting with the ex, one day it finally hit me that I needed to do something big and on my own to show that I could do it. I really pushed the boundaries for myself and as this trip to South Africa was the first holiday that I was doing ON MY OWN. No parents or friends or anything. I was only meant to be out there for six weeks, but ended up staying for nine and a half!!!
Traveling on my own, which my ex would have hated me doing, I developed so much within myself. Actually I think it was South Africa that really made me realise that there was life after the ex, and a damn good life as well. During my stay down there, I grew into someone who I really liked, and I really enjoyed the positive feeling and attitude I was getting from within myself.
I made some amazing friends out there who loved me for who I am, and who really enjoyed my company. I laughed so much during those nine weeks there as well.
Ultimately, I think the thing that surprises me the most about the break-up is that I actually feel nothing for him. If I try to picture his face, my mind goes blank. I cannot imagine him in my life whatsoever now, and if I saw him again, I wouldn’t care and I probably wouldn’t have anything to say to him at all. I also cannot believe that I was so heartbroken over someone who was so self-centred and selfish and rude! Cringe-worthy I tell you. Take my advice and keep your dignity whatever happens…
Indian hopes that other people will keep the faith that they too will get through it.
A dumpee needs to always remember that they can and will get through it. Also bear in mind that they’ll be a million times stronger afterwards. You can do things on your own, and it’s okay to keep your dignity. No matter how angry you get, there are people out there who are real friends and who genuinely care for you.
Being out there, I realised that I can stand up, once again on my own, and not need any help from someone who doesn’t even give me the time of day. I noticed that all of the mutual ‘friends’ who I thought were friends, were actually not, which was a little bit gutting, but now I don’t care. At the end of it all, it’s their loss, and a shame that they didn’t get to know the real me because they were influenced some by him. I don’t have time for people like that, there’s absolutely no point.
Indian had a rebound man of her own and though things didn’t work out – she’s all the better for the experience.
I did meet a guy out on my travels, and we had a little fling, but it fell through. It was sad for me at first because he was the first guy who took interest in that way since my ex, but as time went by I realised that we were so much better off as friends anyway. We had so many laughs as friends, then we did when we were more-than-just-friends.
I learned so much from him though. I found out for myself the difference between flings and relationships, they are NOT the same at all and therefore do not get mistaken. I now see it as a bit of fun, not something that would seriously develop into a deep relationship. We keep in touch, but I don’t see him in a romanticized vision anymore, and it’s better that way. I hope we can keep in touch for many years to come.
Since coming back, I have got myself a new job, thrown myself into college work and am already thinking of new places to travel for next year. But most importantly I FEEL GOOD!
I may not have anyone special around, but for now, I honestly don’t mind. I’m happy in myself as a whole, and I’m not ready to share that at the moment. Besides, I’m a little too busy with everything at the moment, so I would end up neglecting them anyway!
Since the end of her first ever relationship, Indian Moon has bounced back beautifully. She’s traveled abroad on her own, acted in a West End theatre, got a job she likes, made friends and has made new friends – when previously she had been too shy. Now she will go places alone – be it to the cinema or out for a meal. She’s even passed her driving test. Best of all she’s learning to be happy as a whole person within herself and loves being an individual.
So to everyone out there, if I can do it, so can you. It is said all the time, but it is so true. Just get yourself out there and show them what you are made of! You are worth it. You all really are, I’m so happy at the moment and you can be too. Have faith and you’ll get there. Get out there and see the world. I’m serious, if you are brave enough to do it, go travelling! Being in an environment which didn’t remind me of him was so good. It really is the best medicine I promise. The feeling is indescribable!