Are you Positively Single? It can be hard I know….Couples, bloomin’ couples, they’re everywhere, aren’t they? It can be tough. Thankfully, in this day and age, being single has not got the same social stigma it once had. Quite frankly nor should it. Though it can be hard to adjust initially, all singletons need to look on the bright side of being single. Let me explain how it can be a good thing.
One’s first instinct when they hit the singlezone is to run a mile in the other direction – probably straight back into a relationship (any relationship will do – can you say “rebound”?).
My suggestion to those people is – avoid rebounding into another relationship straight away, as it seldom works (even when you think it has worked). Trust me on this one. I did it…twice!
Get Over Gripping Fear
When we are reeling from a cold, hard dumping, the initial feeling that sets in is WORRY. We worry whether anyone will ever find us attractive, whether we will have sex again, and whether we will ever find our “true love” or be happy.
The answer, quite probably, is “YES!” Once you get beyond the worryzone, you can fully appreciate all that is great about being single, and there really is so much that is great about it!
For now, don’t waste all of your time and energy on worrying about getting older or ending up alone. Try to focus on the good and start enjoying solo life from this day forward!
For instance, rejoice in the FREEDOM that you now have: You can sleep when and where you want (not to mention with whom you want and how often!)
Really, take a moment and think about that. Picture it. How cool is that? Your married and paired-off friends can’t do that (well not with a clear conscience at any rate).
You can though.
Eat What You Want
You can eat what you like and when you like. Sometimes I feel like eating a balanced meal and sometimes I’d rather sit and nibble.
Some nights I pour a bowl of Raisin Bran for my dinner. No one can moan at me for my eating habits now (well, except for my dad whose words, “I don’t see any meals there” still haunt me every time I grocery shop!)
My food in my kitchen is just that. My food. My faves.
Singletons can spend time with whomever they choose without having to “check in” or ask for permission.
We can go out whenever we want to or stay in when we don’t feel like leaving our cosy homes.
Speaking from experience, I say single life can be totally empowering. When I entered the dumped zone, I was forced to find a new place to live, car to drive, and a job that would support me.
Within a few months, I picked up 4×4, found a house, got a good job, my first credit card and eventually I even acquired my own mortgage!
Yay me! That was totally liberating!
In the months after the split, I traveled to London, New York, San Francisco and Amsterdam.
You know what? I ended up achieving more in ONE YEAR of being single than I did in seven years of relationships.
It was exhilarating!
Focus on Yourself
When single, you can be totally focused and selfish and not feel guilty about it. You can concentrate 100% on what it is that YOU want from life.
Think about your future: Where do you want to live? What color do you want your living room to be? What sort of car do you want to drive? Where do you want to go on holiday? What does your future look like?
Singletons can take up a languages, hobbies or sports to meet new people and learn new things – without having to run it by anyone else.
It is a time to try something you have always wanted to do (especially if it was something your partner didn’t want you to do!) or a time to get in shape both mentally and physically.
Without having someone else in your life you have to get approval of you can set some personal goals with complete freedom. As part of a couple, you really don’t have that luxury because there are always other people to consider.
Many people. when part of a couple, become complacent. Singledom is like the antidote to complacency.
Whether you are male or female, you can now spend time with friends or family that you have been neglecting. (Better yet, you no longer have to spend time with THEIR friends and family who you didn’t really like anyway).
That is brilliant, isn’t it?
In a nutshell, “find yourself” and get reacquainted. All of us, when we become part of a couple, can lose sight of who we really are – at times anyway.
Somewhere along the way our identity can get lost in the merger. It’s inevitable, especially when it’s a long-term relationship.
I will share a little secret with you – SELF KNOWLEDGE and SELF LOVE are the keys to finding that happiness you so desire.
If you get that sorted the work, love and friendships will all manifest accordingly.
Sometimes people come out of relationships with no clue who they even are any more. They don’t know what foods they like, where they’d want to go on holiday, or what their favorite TV shows are.
Seriously, now it’s time to work out what makes you tick!
My Fave Things About Being Single:
- I can sleep when, where (not to mention with whom) I want!
- I can work until 2am and not feel guilty.
- I can sleep diagonally in the bed – there’s no one to steal the covers or keep me up with snoring or other bodily noises!
- I can log onto the Net anytime of day even at 3am. Heck, I log on from bed without disturbing anyone while I surf, chat or write. (I just love that!)
- I can scope men wherever I go and not feel guilty.
- I don’t need to put up with someone’s poor musical tastes or bad fashion sense.
- I have complete independence and freedom to do what I want, when I want, regardless.
- I can wear whatever I feel like without worrying how it looks or if it’s sexy enough!
- I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want (as little or as much) without recriminations.
- There’s no one to nag me or put me down.
- The only annoying habits I have to deal with are my own! (Erm, I do talk to myself a lot now…)
- I have no one else’s mess to tidy up – or dishes and clothes to wash – it’s all mine!
- I never find hairs (or anything else!) on the toilet seat or in the tub, oh and my toilet seat’s always down now!
- I spend as little or as much time with friends as I feel like, guilt free.
- Sky Digital (satellite) TV! I watch what I want (with no one to fight over the remote with!) or make snide remarks of why I am watching Gossip Girl or Gilmore Girls. PS: I love the Gilmore Girls
- I am not forced to ever watch Sports or Quizes or SciFi shows that I loathe.
- I go to any movie I want to see (I know, not everyone feels than can go to the movies solo, but I do it all the time and the popcorn’s all mine!)
- The music blasting from my stereo, at home or in my car, is always my own and I love music!
- The entire flat is decorated with my own tastes, colours and furniture!
- Two words: Closet and Space!
- If I fancy taking off for a weekend, I can, without having to consider anyone else.
- I don’t have anyone to rush me when browsing in the CD shop or to make me feel guilty for buying “yet another book” that I don’t need!
- I get to have that “First Kiss” and experience the passion phase again and again with new men (if I want to)
- All the food in my six-foot fridge is mine.
- Finally, and this one is a special one, when my paired-off friends are moaning to me about their relationship, I am thankful I don’t have to endure those sorts of problems anymore…(for now anyway).
- When I long to be part of a couple, all I need to do is look at my list to be reminded of just how lucky I am to be flying solo. I’m not saying “forever”, but certainly for the moment.
- I see couples off to their Sunday dinners at in-laws, or some other dutiful jaunt, and it makes me so thankful that I now have Sundays all to myself! Bliss.
- The thing I love the very most about my single life. There is no drama – almost ever.
In Summary, I Love The Single Life!
I can quite honestly say, I love my independence. The only relationship I have at present is with myself.
I know myself a whole lot better because of it. I can easily say that I am a much stronger and happier person for the experience of becoming ‘suddenly single’.
You can too, eventually. For now though, it’s another candle lit dinner for three – me, myself and I. I advise you to do the same. Treat yourself how you would want someone else to treat you.
What do you think is great about being single? Please leave a comment in the comments section below.