
Dumped Cuts |
1.Ben Folds 5 -
Song for the Dumped |
2. Willie Nelson
-
Undo the Right |
3. Glen Hansard -
Say it to Me Now |
4. Bloc Party -
This Modern Love
|
5. Kate Nash -
Foundations |
Chosen
by:
SmackThePony, US |
|

home > ex-files
> positively single
Couples bloody couples, they're everywhere, aren't
they? In this day and age being single has not got the same social stigma
it once had, and quite frankly nor should it. Though it can be hard
to adjust initially all singletons need to look on the bright side of
being single - and I will explain how it can be a good thing.
Ones first instinct when they hit the singlezone is to run a mile
in the other direction probably straight back into a relationship
(any relationship). My advice to those people is - dont rebound
into another relationship straight away, as it seldom works (even when
you think it has worked). Trust me on this one. I did it...twice!
When we are reeling from a cold, hard dumping, the initial feeling that
sets in is WORRY. We worry whether anyone will ever find us attractive,
whether we will have sex again, and whether we will ever find our "true
love" and be happy.
The answer, quite probably, is "YES!" Once you get beyond
the worryzone, you can fully appreciate all that is great about being
single, and there really is so much that is great about it!
For now, dont waste all of your time worrying about getting older
and ending up alone try to start enjoying solo life now! For
instance, rejoice in the FREEDOM that you now have: You can sleep when
and where you want (not to mention with whom you want and how often!)
Really, think about that for a minute. How cool is that? Your married
and paired-off friends can't do that (well not with a clear conscience).
You can eat what you like and when you like. Sometimes I feel like eating
a balanced meal and sometimes I'd rather sit and nibble. No one can
moan at me for my eating habits now (well, except for my dad whose words
"I don't see any meals there" still haunt me every time I
grocery shop!)
Speaking of shopping, initially it can be a bit strange to shop for
yourself, as you may find yourself picking up things and asking yourself
if you're the one that really likes that brand of chips or cereal -
or was it your ex's favourite? Beyond that it is fun to stuff your fridge
will all you own favourite eats and no one will nick that pint of Ben
and Jerry's or drink your beer when you're not looking!
Singletons can spend time with whomever they choose without
having to "check in" or ask for permission. They can go out
whenever they want to or stay in when they don't feel like it.
Speaking from experience, I say single life can be totally empowering.
When I entered the dumpedzone, I was forced to find a new place to live,
car to drive, and a job that would support me. Within a few months,
I picked up 4x4 jeep, found a house, got a good job, my first credit
card and eventually I even acquired my own mortgage! Yay me!
In the months after the split, I traveled to London, New York, San
Francisco and Amsterdam. I ended up achieving more in ONE YEAR of being
single than I did in seven years of a relationship. It was exhilerating!
When single, you can be totally focused and selfish and not feel guilty
about it. You can concentrate 100% on what it is that YOU want from
life. Where do you want to live? What colour do you want your living
room to be? What sort of car do you want? Where do you want to go on
holiday?
Singletons can take up a languages, hobbies or sports to meet new people
and learn new things - without having to run it by anyone else.
It is a time to try something you have always wanted to do (especially
if it was something your partner didnt want you to do!) or a time
to get in shape both mentally and physically.
Without having someone else in your life you have to get approval of
you can set some personal goals with complete freedom. As part of a
couple, you really dont have that luxury because there are always
other people to consider.
Many people when part of a couple become complacent. Singledom is the
antidote to complacency.
Whether you are male or female, you can now spend time with friends
or family that you have been neglecting. (Better yet, you no longer
have to spend time with THEIR friends and family who you didn't really
like anyway). That is brilliant, isn't it?
In a nutshell, "find yourself" and get reacquainted - because
all of us, when we become part of a couple, we lose sight of who we
really are. Somewhere along the way our identity can get lost in the
merger. Its inevitable, especially when its a long-term
relationship.
I will share a little secret with you - SELF KNOWLEDGE and SELF
LOVE are the keys to finding that happiness you so desire.
If you get that sorted the work, love and friendships will all manifest
accordingly.
Here are some great things I find about being single:
I can sleep when, where (not to mention with whom) I want!
I can work until 2am and not feel guilty.
I can sleep diagonally in the bed - there's no one to steal the covers
or keep me up with snoring or other bodily noises!
I can log onto the Net anytime of day even at 3am. Heck, I log on from
bed without disturbing anyone while I surf, chat or write. (I just love
that!)
I can scope men everywhere I go and not feel guilty.
I dont need to put up with someones poor musical tastes
or bad fashion sense.
I have complete independence and freedom to do what I want, when I want,
regardless.
I can wear whatever I feel like without worrying how it looks or if it's sexy enough!
I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want (as little or as much) without
recriminations.
Theres no one to nag me or put me down.
The only annoying habits I have to deal with are my own! (erm, I do talk
to myself a lot now...)
I have no one elses mess to tidy up - or dishes and clothes to
wash - all mine!
I never find hairs (or anything else!) on the toilet seat or in the
tub and my toilet seats always down!
I spend as little or as much time with friends as I feel like, guilt
free.
Sky Digital (satellite) TV! I watch what I want (with no one
to fight over the remote with!)
I don't feel guilty watching 'Dawson's Creek', 'Sex and the City' or 'Gilmore
Girls' - nor am I forced to ever watch Sports or Quiz or SciFi shows that I hate.
I go to any movie I want to see (I know, not everyone feels than can
go to the movies solo, but I do it all the time and the popcorns
all mine!)
The music blasting from my stereo is always my own.
The entire flat is decorated with my own tastes and furniture!
Two words: Closet and Space!
If I fancy taking off for a weekend I can - without having to consider
anyone else
I don't have anyone to rush me when browsing in the CD shop or to make
me feel guilty for buying "yet another CD" that I don't need!
I get to have that "First Kiss" and the passion phase again
and again (if I want)
All the food in my six-foot fridge is mine
Finally, and this one is a special one - when my paired-off friends
are moaning to me about their relationship, I am thankful I don't have
to endure those sorts of problems anymore...(for now anyway)
When I long to be part of a couple, all I need to do is look at my
list to be reminded of just how lucky I am to be flying solo (not forever,
but certainly for the moment). I see couples off to their Sunday dinners
at in-laws or what have you - and am so thankful that I now have Sundays
all to myself!
I can quite honestly say, I love the independence. The only relationship
I have at present is with myself. I know myself a whole lot better because
of it. I can easily say that I am a much stronger and happier person
for the experience of becoming suddenly single. You will
be too, eventually. For now though, its another candle lit dinner
for three me, myself and I. I advise you to do the same. Treat
yourself how you would want someone else to treat you.
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