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How can you tell if your partner is cheating on you? Sometimes the signs are like billboards of the heart, while others seem so well disguised. Bear in mind that you may be completely off base and being wrongly accused of such a crime could have lasting repercussions on your relationship. In matters of infidelity, it’s usually best to do your own detective work before accusing your loved one that you think they're up to no good.

Some simple signs worth noting might be:

- constantly working long hours - sometimes with weekends away

- catching them lying and denying things they have said,

- changing plans at the last minute

- acting jealous (and possibly accusing you of cheating on them!)


Be on the look out for:

- lipstick on clothes

- condom wrappers lying about

- lovebites on their body that didn't come for you

- phone numbers in pockets

- credit card and bank statements with strange charges

- phone bills showing long or frequent conversations to numbers you can’t identify

- notice whether you are being excluded from their work or social functions

I have known people who actually keep their relationship or marriage a secret from other people (especially those of the opposite sex) at work. If it is a serious and committed relationship why would you?

The key to whether or not your partner is having an affair really boils down to huge changes of their behavioral patterns.

Some examples might be:

- A sudden increase/decrease in sexual activity

- They may start buying you gifts when they never used to (usually out of guilt)

- Effort is suddenly made with respect to their appearance and hygiene

- Reading books that are not their "normal" type book

- Listening to music that is not what they would normally play

- Presents appearing out of the blue (that you and their family have not bought them) These could include: clothes, books, music, jewelry, perfume, aftershave…

- They disappear for long periods of time and return with outlandish excuses (or don’t tell you where they have been)

- Moodiness ~ a fluctuation between cold and distant to warm and attentive

- Jealousy and being over-protective about you

- They smell fresh at the end of the day (showered and scented)

- Refuse dinner saying they ate earlier

- Business trips that continually include weekend stays

- At weekends, suddenly having to run to the hardware store for some DIY tools/jobs

- Picking fights so they can storm out of the house for some "fresh air"

- Emotionally and physically pulling away and not responding the same when you tell them you love them

These are not cut-in-stone signs. Any one of these examples could be purely coincidental or the person just genuinely wants a change. A combination of the factors and a strong "hunch" on your part, quite probably, could amount to something though. There is certainly something to be said for your intuition or gut feelings in these cases (this goes for the men too so I won't call it "women's intuition").

If you think you are being cheating on, then you quite possibly are. Don’t allow it to be turned around on you - or be made to feel that it’s "all in your head" because in my experience, it’s not.

On the other hand, if you are continually paranoid and accusatory, your partner might just go out and do something, when they had been innocent all along.

It’s a fine line to walk when it comes to being suspicious about your partner. It’s all right to investigate your suspicions, but be sly about it, so you don’t cause any permanent damage. It might not be adultery, and if you keep banging on about it they might just do something to spite you. Trust is something that can be hard to achieve and easy to obliterate.

Call me a cynic, but every time I see a man walking a dog and chatting on his mobile phone, I automatically assume he’s talking to his mistress. I do realise this is a huge generalization but given some past experiences, I've seen how the phone can be huge indicator for cheating.

What to watch for:

- Their mobile/cellphone is switched off for long periods of time

- They have more than one mobile

- They live alone and won’t play their answering machine in front of you

- They won’t let you answer their phone at all, ever, period!

- They demand privacy and leave the room when they answer their phone

- You get hang-ups when you answer their phone

- They don’t let you know where they are when they phone you

Again, these are only POSSIBLE signs, but obviously they could be, simply coincidences. There can be logical explanations on all of the above factors – I'm just talking generally here. Not all signs point to cheating, but a large number of the above factors could spell i-n-f-i-d-e-l-i-t-y.

Keep an eye on the signs - but try not to see signs that aren’t actually there. Only you really know your partner’s behavior – we don’t. Keep the lines of communication open