
Dumped Cuts |
1.Ben Folds 5 -
Song for the Dumped |
2. Willie Nelson
-
Undo the Right |
3. Glen Hansard -
Say it to Me Now |
4. Bloc Party -
This Modern Love
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5. Kate Nash -
Foundations |
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SmackThePony, US |
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home > ex-files
> new singletons guide to surviving the holidays
Six months before the turn of the century, I
was relieved of my girlfriend duties (read: dumped). Due to work
commitments and extortionate peak-time airfares, I was forced to spend
my first holidays, ever, alone. The threat of a solo yuletide filled
me with dread, so to combat those doom-filled worries, I drew up a festive
survival strategy of my own.
Now, it has to be said, that most of you won't be totally alone for
the holidays like I was (and have been over the past several years),
but you may find my tips on how I made it through useful…I survived, so can you!
Prepare a feast
Just prior to that first solo Christmas, I went to the supermarket and
picked out a selection of all of my favourite foods. Naturally, unable
to eat a whole turkey on my own, I opted for a turkey joint for one.
That was plenty for the holiday dinner and lunch the next day too! I
also chose my favourite bread, potatoes, salad, munchies, and sensuous
desserts. I made sure that everything I chose was something that I really
loved and looked forward to both preparing and eating.
Of course, when you are adjusting to solo life, cooking (let alone eating)
may just be the last thing you fee like doing, but don't punish your
body - it needs healthy nourishment to flourish. So even if it's a feast
for one, be sure you have a feast.
Decorate your space
As a child growing up, my family would always drive out to a local tree
farm to cut down our own Christmas tree on the day after Thanksgiving.
To this day, I still love to decorate my home at the same time of year
- even though it is just going to be me who enjoys it. I'm worth it
and so are you.
If you normally like to decorate, but can't quite get into the holiday
spirit this year, then force yourself to do it anyway. Pick yourself
up a little tree (real or plastic it doesn't really matter) or simply
opt to buy a string of fairy lights and put them in your window.
Buy some new ornaments or if you're crafty, make your own. Pour some
eggnog or mulled wine, whack on some Bing Crosby and decorate to your
heart's content.
If you have don't have a place of your own, then simply decorate your
bedroom or one of your windows.
Let there be light
If you like ambient lighting, then make sure you have plenty of festive
scented candles on hand for the cold, dark winter nights. Decorating
your home in a cheery festive manner with those candles, or some fairy
lights, will let you discover how tranquil a room, lit only by candles
and Christmas tree lights, can be. Don't delay. (Note: Listening to
Christmas carols is optional)
Shop online
I don't know about you, but I sometimes find that the high streets and
malls are not only over-crowded with holiday shoppers, but also they're
swarming with couples. So to avoid prevalence of "happy couple syndrome",
do the bulk of your shopping online. It is predominantly secure (do
your research first though) and utterly convenient! Many sites offer
gift-wrapping and will send the purchases straight to your family and
friends for you. This is particularly handy for those who are geographically
dispersed. It will not only save you time but may also money on postage!
Organise your time
I recommend strategically planning your free days to avoid boredom and
worse still, over-thinking. Those of you without family or friends to
spend time with, who are dreading the solitude, may find that it is
amplified over a holiday period.
Break your days down into small blocks, as having something positive
to look forward to each day will help you through the yuletide more
smoothly and give you something constructive to focus on.
Your schedule might involve arranging nights out with friends and colleagues,
booking time to visit people, DIY projects, studying, writing, goal-setting,
gardening, shopping, taking in some movies, buying and preparing scrumptious
meals, sorting out clothes to donate to charity, painting, drawing,
creating or revamping a website - anything that you enjoy doing.
To avoid being overwhelmed by loneliness and emotions, be productive.
In a nutshell, my template for Christmas day looks like this: wake up,
have a nice long bath, watch a movie, start cooking, take a walk/run,
shower, put on PJs, eat festive feast, read some magazines or a good
book, watch another movie and call family/friends and go to sleep.
Develop traditions
Each year, without fail, I schedule time to watch a plethora of festive
films - like Miracle on 34th Street, White
Christmas and It's a Wonderful Life. Additionally,
I always watch my childhood favourites too, such as, The Grinch Who
Stole Christmas, The Year Without a Santa Claus and Santa
Claus is Coming to Town. These are my traditions and are the same
every year.
Another of my traditions carried over from childhood is that I keep
every present that I receive for Christmas day - opening just one special
one on Christmas Eve. Sometimes if the present has been sent, I try
to call the person up and open it over the phone to share the excitement
and give thanks. Sometimes, I wait until my friends are visiting on
Christmas day to open all of my presents so that I don't have to open
them all alone.
Something new that has come from my solo seasons is that come rain or
shine, sleet or snow - I take a walk or a run in the afternoon on Christmas
day. The roads are always quiet which makes me feel like the world is
my own. I am alone with my thoughts about my life and my future.
And if I take a walk instead of a run, I bring along the camera and
shoot the wintry scenery. I find it incredibly relaxing knowing that
I am not forced to spend a holiday with anyone I don't want to be with.
Why not think about what traditions you've got or can instigate for
your first solo yuletide. If you don't have any traditions, there is
no time like the present to start some.
Treat yourself
Is there a little something that you have had your eye on this year?
Perhaps a new mobile phone or a spiffy new jacket? Maybe you need a
new computer or want to buy a new DVD? Whatever it is, treat yourself
to something special. You deserve it. Everybody's budget varies and
only you can know what little pick-me-up will do just the trick.
If you can find something that will entertain you over the break, so
much the better. For instance, this year, I have a hankering for an
Apple
- which stores several thousand tunes in one tiny handheld player! That
is a gift that keeps on giving and will no doubt provide me hours of
enjoyment.
Work!
It's not actually as silly as it sounds. When I was a working singleton
and facing the prospect of filling up two weeks of holiday time on my
own, it made perfect sense to work the days that the office was open.
It was usually quite quiet over the break, the atmosphere always festive,
and the extra cash went a long way to replenish my depleting holiday
funds.
It helped to be around people and away from my empty flat - even just
for a few hours during the day. Also working has the added advantage
of showing a good worth ethic to superiors. I can't say it ever worked
for me but who knows, you might even get a promotion after your boss
sees your dedication!
Invite people over
Living abroad, my friends have become my surrogate family. Though many
of them offered to have me join them for Christmas the past few years,
I felt it would actually make me feel more homesick and lonely to be
around a family that was not my own.
It is now a tradition, however, that certain friends come to visit me
on Christmas day just to open presents. I love having some company in
the afternoon for a chat, some munchies and some present opening. The
same goes for Boxing Day and New Year's Day.
Volunteer your time
Helping other people is good for the soul. Hearing other their troubles
can give us perspective about our own problems. Now matter how painful
our experience feels to us, the fact is that a broken heart (and indeed
singledom) is only a temporary thing. There are always people out there
who have more permanent pain or who have it worse than you -- even when
it doesn't feel like it.
So, if you think you might have too much time on your hands over the
holidays, why not pull out the yellow pages and find a shelter to serve
some food in, volunteer to read the paper at a local old folks home,
or find a kid's charity needing support? Helping, old, young, ill or
infirm will take you out of your own heartbreak and make you (and them)
feel better. Win/win.
Express yourself
Regardless of whether you are male or female, don't be afraid to cry.
Holidays are stressful times in the best of situations, so don't be
embarrassed
if you have crippling moments of loneliness hit you. When
we are alone and thinking over Christmas's past, it's unavoidable to
feel nostalgic and longing. Don't keep it all in ore be
embarrassed
when
it all comes pouring out. It is healthy. My mother used to say having
a big cry added seven years to your life! If she's right, I should be
here until 157.
Write down in a notebook, diary or journal how you feel and how you
want you future to be. Set some goals of things you wish to accomplish
in the coming year. Not only is it therapeutic but it's enlightening
to read previous thoughts, feelings, and emotions on down the line.
Historically, I spend a lot of time over the holidays (particularly
New Years) writing about how I want my future to look and feel. As one
year closes and a new one begins, I look to my future and day dream
a little.
Visualisation is proven to work, so why not picture yourself on down
the road - say at next year's holidays - and write down and describe
how you look, who you are with and where you'd like to be spending your
future festive period.
Give yourself a break
If you have some spare time, you may choose to go on holiday to get
away from it all. Maybe you fancy a winter break to the sun or to head
for the slopes? The choice is all yours.
If you can afford it, a change of scenery is a fabulous way to create
new memories, and will stop you from staring at your own four walls
wishing your ex would call.
If you are unable, due to time or money, to go away on holiday, perhaps
you can take a break for even a day or two and visit friends or family
members? Even a short day trip or break can prove beneficial, as being
surrounded by those who love and care for us is a healthy way to spend
holidays.
Breaks benefit us in a few ways. Firstly it's good for us to have something
to plan and look forward to. Secondly, the busier we are the less we're
likely to be sitting idly around wondering what your ex is getting up
to this year without us.
Reach out and Touch Someone
Make a list of people you want to call over the holidays. Every year,
I have a long list of family and friends whom I like to call throughout
the Christmas and New Years period.
So if you've lost touch with some old friends or family members, who
not take this opportunity to reconnect.
Conclusion
So treat this festive yuletide not as a daunting time but rather as
an exciting time to make new traditions, catch up with old friends,
travel and sort out any home or work projects needing completion.
Whether you choose to be with people or alone, be sure to schedule your
time wisely. Only you know the way that you want to spend your break,
so figure it out and then do it.
Remember, the busier you are, the less time you will have to wonder
what your ex is getting up to this year without you.
If you start to get blue, imagine all the stress and squabbles your
family and friends may be going through and think of how grateful you
are for this year's peace.
At the end of the day, it's your break, you are in charge of exactly
how you spend your time and who with - that's empowering not depressing!
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Thea Newcomb Ts
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