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We are taught to believe in the sanctity of marriage, of the need for monogamy and of a life long commitment to just one other person. Where on earth did that idea come from and can it really be said to have a place in this modern era? Is marriage "for life" now doomed to the place of science fiction or is it something in which we all place continued faith and trust? Hannah Markham explores the matrimonial notion...

This site is a focus for all of those whose immediate belief in life-long relationships has been somewhat tainted by harsh, bitter, frustrating and often agonising break-ups. The reality of life, that people do move on, do have affairs, do walk away from seemingly flawless relationships is etched onto every page of the site and reminds us - day in and day out - that relationships end, often in a wave of torn emotions and breaches of trust. Why then do we still believe in the ideal of marriage or in the very least that life-long commitment, why the continued search for a partner?

Here's a nod to some of the potential reasons why we might continue the search and why so often we are frustrated by reality.

Marriage was created in a different lifetime (No, this is not a historical look at marriage, so I'm not going into religious reasons or historical philosophical notions). It was created in a time when people died at a much younger age. There was none of this living until you were ninety, having three children and fifteen grandchildren.

When you said, "until death do we part", it was quite literally that, and often fairly soon after the ceremony. Look at the record for wars and battles that were waged across history. You certainly didn't expect your man to last long. If the battle didn't get you, then illness often did, or duels or annoying the local warlord or clergyman.

Women didn't fair too well either. Their main function was to have children, the more the better, as so many died at young ages from malnutrition or childhood diseases that are now cured in a second. Childbirth took a few young wives off to an early grave too, so the men had to find another lady to warm the bed and produce the offspring.

Bear in mind that is was a sign of virility to produce children and of course everyone understood that a man needed satisfying when his wife was large with child, so the odd marital fling was never a citation for divorce. And the women got away with it too, often deemed an honour if the bed she was pulled into belonged to the local Duke, Earl or Lord of the Manor.<p class="main">So I suppose what I am trying to say is that as science has pushed forward and life is stronger than ever, marriage is now meant to last almost triple the time it originally lasted for. Lifelong unions take us through decades rather than years. Moral codes and ethics have become sharper so that affairs and intramarital relations are no longer the norm. In fact, adultery is one of the most cited reasons for divorce (along with the relatively new prayer for "unreasonable behaviour" - new in comparison to the age of the institution of marriage itself that is!)

People are expected to give their heart to one person for many years, and we are brought up to expect it too. Cinema, literature and even music remind us on a daily basis of the romantic view of it all. We are inundated with images of the perfect couple and of the ideal of "the one" - our soulmate. But is the reality somewhat different???

As we live longer and life pressures mount on an almost daily basis, relationships will and do crumble. We should not ever feel we fail personally just because a relationship does not cut it. Ignore the hype in the media. Ignore the historical myth and the religious hype of the sanctity of the lifelong commitment. Enjoy it while it lasts, work hard at making it last and when it crumbles, if it crumbles, look after yourself first and foremost…then get on back out there and do it all again!!