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It’s hard enough for the adults to understand what went wrong and why it’s all ended, but give a thought to the children who also get dumped-on when relationships end. So often we adults are full of our own questions, anger, bitterness or even feelings of elation as a relationship ends, that we forget about what will happen to the children involved. Hannah Markham explores what happens to the kids in the aftermath of a break-up.

I’m not saying that each time a relationship falters and parties go their separate ways, the children are forgotten about. Quite often mums and dads do work very hard to ensure that, in spite of all their confusion and unhappiness (or feelings of freedom), their children do not suffer or lose out. But for each time separating couples get it right where the kids are concerned, there are those who simply don’t.

Working as a family lawyer, I have witnessed all sides to the breakdown of families, married couples, cohabiting couples, and casual relationships gone wrong. In most cases, the laws concerning the children are the same: at the end of the day, as a rule, the courts in the United Kingdom and to a certain degree the U.S., look at what is in the best interest of the child. Note though, that here in England, we are some steps behind in laws concerning Gay and Lesbian rights. This, I feel, is an area which is undoubtedly going to evolve over the years. It’s one which is going to gain extra weight with the advent of the Human Rights Act (it is already in force in Scotland and Wales).

So what can you do if you find yourself in a broken relationship and your children fast become the major screaming topic? Well, it all depends on what you want, how you have been treated, and how you are able to get on with your ex in the future.

If you are a dad or mum who has been forced out of the family home (or who has left for whatever reason) and you are being denied access to your children, what can you do about it?

The most important thing is to act as calmly as possible and try to talk only about the children. Keep all other relationship aspects out of the conversation. If you have tried again and again without success, you need to visit a solicitor or an attorney (that specialises in this area) to start things off.

You will need to apply for contact and get an application into court as soon as possible, the longer you have been away from your child, the longer and harder it will be before you can get good contact up and running.

Normally, if neither parent can agree about whether or not there should be contact, then court appointed officials become involved and try to talk things through - to see if there is any common ground.

This can sometimes be known as conciliation. Remember though, when children are old enough to express an opinion they will be listened to and these people know when children are being spoon-fed opinions, so don’t do it!

If you are a mum or dad who wants to try to force the absent parent into contact, then the path is very difficult. Although a parent can be compelled to allow their child contact with its other parent, you can’t make an adult turn up for contact, let alone to court if they simply don’t want to. All you can do is try to communicate with them for the sake of the children and chase them for financial assistance if you can.

On that note, you can not deny the right to contact just because the absent parent is not paying any money. The court keeps money and contact issues quite separate. Each case is different and it would not be right to comment in any great detail about the many variety of ways contact issues can arise.

The bottom line is that all courts start from the belief that the child has the right to contact with both its parents - regardless of what went wrong in the parental relationship. Please bear in mind that the issue is not your hurt feelings or anger, but the needs of the children.