The thing is just do your best to get through the next 2 days in whatever it takes. I am pretty certain he won’t be out of your life permanently. By the sounds of it, he’s not cheated on you, treated your horribly, or whatever. He’s been honest with how he feels (painfully so at times I’m guessing)…it could be a lot worse. Better he tells you, ends the relationship than carries on a pretense and is shagging local girls behind your back. You know. So you can probably find a few ways he IS actually handling it pretty good. If you look.

Someone said something random the other day that keeps going through my mind. I mean it’s an old concept – nothing new – but it’s a case of 100 years none of us will be here. It’s the same (but slightly different) as saying “in a year from now this week won’t even matter” it will simply be blip on your time line and it’s true.

My most horrible experience of my life was a break up years ago. Trans-Atlantic phone call. I was home visiting my dad (in Cali) and the so-called love of my life called me up and dumped me 4 days before I was to fly back to Scotland. I look back to the journals of the time and man there was anger, there was indignation, there were name calling entries, oodles of judging, righteousness, and on and on and on. I read it now it’s like a different person wrote it and on my levels it is. In many ways that break up was the making of me. It was life altering. I don’t remember the pain of those early weeks at all now. I only see the good. I was able to forgive him (and her!!) and myself too.

For all you know this break up could be the making of you. It literally could be the best thing that ever happened to you. On down the road, you’ll be healed and happy and bring in this amazing (straight) guy and you’ll actually be so GRATEFUL this guy ended it.

It’s all unfolding divinely for you. It really is. You just can’t see it yet because you’re in the midst of it. But it is. Trust me, this much I know. Have a fun few days. Keep writing! You’ll be amazed like I was when you read it all back later on!

His birthday is tomorrow (one of the reasons we scheduled the trip for this weekend, initially) and I bought him a present (a nice dress shirt) literally the day before he dumped me. I brought it with me just in case I still wanted to give it to him, but now I think I’ll just take it home with me and return it and buy myself something nice. There are times like that when I make the decision to not give him the present, or start looking forward to blocking him on Facebook and deleting his number (I’ve already blocked him on twitter), that I start feeling like I’m ok and I can move on with time. But every day I wake up feeling happy, and then I remember everything that’s happened, and how the way things are now is all my fault, and I can’t forget that. I’m trying to, though. My friends have promised me that when I get back, they’re going to shower me with chocolate and girl time and movies, etc. so I’m thankful for that. And in the meantime I’ve been studying a lot for the classes that I’m missing right now. Hopefully the next couple days will go smoothly, I leave the day after tomorrow!

To be honest, I suspect he’s actually seeing someone there. Or interested in someone (don’t mean he has cheated just that it’s likely there’s someone else nearby he’s interested in – so he’s pushing you away).

There is no way you can know if you’ll see each other again. I suspect you will so just keep on making the effort to end on the best possible terms. It’s an emotional and confusing time for both of you (in spite of how he’s acting). Rawness will fade and it would be good if you could look back at this time proud of how you handled it. Strong. Respectful. Dignified. Be the kind of girl he REGRETS leaving.

The more you act as if you’re strong, moving on etc, the better it will be (and it might actually ANNOY him seeing you get on with things!) Start today! Only a few more days! Good luck.

PS: There is beauty even in “crap towns” – you can find it, I am sure, if you look. Take your camera (or phone with camera) around and find some cool things. Find a serene spot to sit and take it all in – in nature.

Ugh, I so wish I could go wander around and find some cool places to hang out! But this school is in this tiny little crap town in Kansas, and there’s literally nothing within walking distance, and no public transportation. It’s also kind of sketchy, or so I hear…I’m not sure that I want to go out alone. It’s awful. I’ve been typing out my thoughts on what’s happening on my computer, and also typing out a bunch of things I want to say to him before I leave. It’s sad, but after this trip, it’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever see him again, since we’d have no reason to get together over breaks and such, so I want to say all I need to before I leave and then I can just try to not talk to him for a while.

I’m just trying to say that mantra, “I can handle this,” as often as possible. Even when I feel like I’m imposing on everyone I come into contact with (my ex, his roommates, the girls I’m staying with – the dorms aren’t coed). It’s so frustrating because whenever I ask Ex what I should do, where I should go, etc, he gets mad at me and tells me to go make my own damn choices because he doesn’t care what I do. Today we went to brunch at his cafeteria (because he’s paying for all my food) and afterwards I was going to go back to his dorm, and he said that was fine, but girls aren’t allowed to go in the boys dorms until 12 noon and there were still 10 minutes left. I was just gonna wait outside on a bench for a while, and asked Ex if he could wait with me, but apparently that would be “pointless” so he just left me out there. When i came in finally, I asked him how long he was going to keep treating me like crap, he just shrugged and said “I’m not.” Like talking to a wall.

How will you see him with someone else? You just will. You will handle it. It’s torture seeing it and it’s almost MORE torturous seeing it in your mind’s eye. The mind as wonderful as it is can be super dooper CRUEL. I know that all too well.

People move on because we’re resilient by nature (often in spite of ourselves) – so you can and you will too! Make that be yoru goal FIZZ. Accept nothing less than to get over it – with Contentment and Peace as your goals. Hugs x

My current self would tell my former self that “Good Endings Make Good Beginnings”. Be strong (even if you have to fake it), say you accept his decision (even if you have to fake it at the moment), make a list of things you’re looking for from a partner because frankly this LDR must have it’s drawbacks. What are they? You’ve probably met some cool guys on your own campus and thought “he’s a bit of alright, if I were single, I’d definitely investigate”. Though I think LDRs can work – especially in cases like this one where you’ve known each other and built up a history – I still think they’re a challenge at the best of times.

You’re BOTH frankly at the age where you both should be having fun with classmates, trying different people on for size, and working hard at Uni. I look back to my Uni days (break up and all) with the biggest sense of nostalgia. Never before or since did I have a clique of friends. People scattered around the globe now.

I would try to wrap myself around the fact that it’s OVER (FOR NOW!) but that if you’re paths are meant to cross again after university they will. He’s been your first love and vice versa – it sounds like anyway – and that is never going to leave you. But I suspect though the first he’s not the last. You’ve many more relationships to go through (as a hunch).

I am not sure where you are geographically – but I’d go ahead and wander around on my own (when safe to do so). Explore the area, the coffeshops, bookstores, parks, campus etc. Go to the campus book store, buy a notebook and write out all your random thoughts and feelings. They’ll be soooo interesting to read on down the road – and be a gauge to show how far you’ve come. Channel them into something worthwhile.

I’d say to myself “I can handle this, it’s just a couple more days – I’m on vacation and I’m gonna make the most of it while I am here”. I would “act as if” I am fine with it. I’d say what I wanted to say him (you’ve probably done all that). I would do whatever it took to end on the most positive note possible.

Good Endings Make Good Beginnings. We never know where the path is taking us and I can promise you in 12 years of running this site I’ve come to believe that that Break Ups Always Work Out for the Highest Good of All Concerned (Eventually) . You can’t see where the path is taking you right now as you’re in the middle of it but trust me it’s all working accordingly.

You cannot convince, coerce, persuade someone to love you or stay with you – you can only control how you RESPOND to that happening. We get so scared when someone says they need to leave that we cling instead of WELCOMING it happening. If this guy is choosing to go – then that means something even better is on its way for you and you need to welcome that. It’s like that adage of people staring so long at the closed door that they miss the open window. What’s outside YOUR window?

So to summarise – slap a smile a file on your face, tell him you accept his decision and that ultimately you think it’s the RIGHT one because you’re going to find someone in your own postcode next time. Get a notepad and do some writing. Call on friends (and break up buddies) to help you when you feel like contacting him. Study hard as much as you can over the coming weeks/months…but for the next few days – do a Google search to see what’s worth checking out while you’re there and go do it ALONE. Try and create some new WONDERFUL memories there – e.g. sight seeing, take some cool photos, find some cool hangouts near there. It’s only a few more days – so get out there and take your power back.

“I can handle this” is your mantra of the day. Take care x

No Contact is sooo challenging. I’ve said many-a-time that I suck at it. But once you get some time under your belt it tends to get a bit easier.

Take care hon. x