FUN: If You Could Dump Your Ex,…

If you could dump your ex, what would you say to him or her now

If You Could Dump Your Ex…

If you could dump your ex, what would you say to him or her now? The reason I am asking is that I have been doing some research this afternoon about what sort of articles are out there about breaking up, divorcing, ghosting (or being ghosted), and so forth.

Anyway, I recently came across one that cited a tweet which made me laugh out loud. It was stupid but it was funny. The article was called “How to Breakup Amicably” (is there such a thing? Perhaps a post for another day)…and in it a ‘breakup text” tweet.

Do you know what? I am not even sure it’s a real text originally, or if someone being funny made it up to look like a real breakup. (You can’t trust everything you see that goes viral on the Internet after all…I mean, look what Land Rover recently did to get some “Revenge” coverage...

Reasons for Leaving

Whether it was a real breakup SMS or a fake dumping text, it got me thinking, if the tables were in fact turned, and you could dump someone who dumped you first, before they got to do it, what would your reasons be?

Have some fun, and aimed at people who, with the benefit of time and hindsight, wished they could beat their ex “to the punch” – as it were.

Maybe they were crap in bed? Or had flat feet? Or their mother was a cow? Their breath was bad? They sat around all day playing video games? Were obsessed with shopping or sport? Who gets their mother to do their laundry (even though they’re forty). Silly stuff.

This Is Just for Fun, Maybe Not Not For Everyone

If you’re newly single, this post won’t be for you. Try back later.

Posts such as this are intended more for people who are no longer missing or hung up on their ex. It’s aimed at those who can look back with a different perspective. Perhaps can laugh about things now – things which maybe were painful at the time.

This is not a post to be nasty, that goes against our general ethos, but is rather to be playful.

Be creative and find something that makes you laugh about your ex, (in a not-too-mean way) ok?

Now you go…Dump Your Ex! Comment below…

Or perhaps you’d rather:

2 Words 4 Your Ex?

2 Words to Say to An Ex

2 Words 4 Your Ex?

Is there anything you want to say to your EX?

We have a whole post called “Have Something to Say to your Ex? Say it Here Now”

But what if you could only use two words? That’s right only two words…What would you say?

The other day, taking my lead from one of the female entrepreneurs groups that I am on, I posted a post on Facebook asking:

If you could say TWO WORDS to your ex, right now, what would they be?

The responses have been interesting so far, and I believe you can tell a fair bit about a person, and where they are at emotionally, by the response that they give.

What People Said

Some made a joke out of it “I’m pregnant” (technically 3 words) and others were clearly more down the road to recovery with and a more reflective response, “thank you”.

I liked that one.

It speaks volumes if someone can get passed a breakup and have an attitude of gratitude about the whole thing – in spite of how badly it may have ended at the time.

Other people had more of a “ha ha” response – like “I win” or “You lose”.  Again I think these are, potentially, telling responses too.

Breakup Freedom replied with “Over You”….Nice one eh?

I suspect we can continue this post on for some time and get all kinds of responses from bitter to better, hilarious, grateful, glad or sad…

Surprisingly no one so far has written “miss you”.

What would you say to your ex in 2 words?

Again we already have a very successful post “Have something to say to your ex, say it here”…but what about if you had just two words for them? What would you say?

Answer in the comments section below – or over on our Facebook post.

Thanks lovelies!

If you’re thinking about writing a letter to your ex – there are a few posts about that here too:

HUMOR: Animated Break-up Line of the Week (#2)

Animated Break-up Line of the Week (#2)

Animated Break-up Line of the Week

Well after last week’s popular launch of the animated break-up line that inspired this site, using Muvizu technology, we’ve decided to unveil another line today.

This line was chosen by the animation creator, Ziggy, who found humour in the dead dog imagery.

I was a little less convinced at the time, but do find the end result tasteful enough. The voice work was done by a fellow (former) L107 presenter, Mike Wilson.

Please note: no dogs were actually harmed or killed in the creation of this animation by Ziggy…

Thanks to both Mike and Ziggy for this week’s fun. You can find Ziggy’s Youtube channel here.

Check back next week for another one. Tell your friends.

Find the archive of the videos on SYBS’s youtube channel.

You can find our current list of Breakup Lines here.

Check out 17 Funny Breakup Lines from 17 Years of So You’ve Been Dumped here.

FUN: Positive Revenge “Re-Write My Ex”

Ex-Scape
Re-Write My Ex

As it’s Friday, I thought we’d go with something a little “fun” as forwarded by my friend Miss L who writes to me about a friend of hers who found out she was cheated on by her boyfriend of two years. She’s recently dumped him, but has come up with an excellent parting gift. You know what they say – “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”…Well this is an example of what I call “Positive Revenge” – revenge that won’t actually hurt someone else, you won’t get arrested and yet it’s a cathartic exercise. Read on…I’ll let her explain:

“Sharpen your mental pencil, it’s creative writing project time!

After two years, I dismissed my boyfriend this week after discovering he posted a “Casual Encounters” personal ad on Craigslist. ‘Happens all the time, I’m sure.

While packing up some of his personal items to return to him, it occurred to me that I’d like him to know I found the ad. I was just going to print out a copy and put it into his bag of stuff, but I was inspired by a recent online discussion about writing a personal ad for your ex.

Feeling that bigger is always better with breakup gestures, I thought it would be a lovely parting gift (I’m so thoughtful!) to arrange for a variety of people to rewrite his personal ad to fit his new circumstances – and that I’d make a bound copy of the results to remind him of our wonderful times together.

Help me out with a rewrite, will ya? I anticipate fabulous results – all submissions will be kept anonymous unless the author requests credit and if response is good I’ll set up a blog site to share your submissions and possibly open submissions up to the general public (let me know if you’d like to see this).

I’m 35 years old, in good shape and looking for a good time. I’m looking for a lovely lady that wants a little attention this evening. Lonely moms and housewives, mature ladies, thick girls, are what I prefer. I’m clean, I strictly believe in safe sex, and I’m open to meeting somewhere for a drink and a little chit chat to break the ice. My place is quiet, there’s always a drink on hand, and I’m definitely 420 friendly if that’s your thing. There’s even a pool here if you want to take a dip. I like a woman who is aggressive and isn’t afraid to say what she wants. Me? If I end the weekend and get a little oral action in the process, I’ll go back to work on Tuesday with a huge smile on my face. I’m looking for something this evening, so this gives us plenty of time to exchange pics & have a conversation – I’m on AIM and Yahoo instant messenger. Let’s talk!

[THEA AGAIN] OK, so now it’s your turn to write. I bet some of you of you would be pretty good at this. Have a bash. I am sure we can all use a laugh. It’ll be a great topic in the pub this weekend. Have fun! Post your re-writes in the comments field below. Thanks!

FUN: My New Video Celebrating 10 Years of Break Up Lines

No Dumping!

Over the last ten years we’ve had thousands of break-up lines sent into soyouvebeendumped.com. Some of them really funny, some of them painfully cruel, and still others are complete cliches. In any event, over the last six months, I’ve been polishing off a book of real lines and stories that were emailed direct or posted on this site.

It is my hope the book is ready for our 10th birthday on Independence Day this year – (July 4th for you non-Americans).

For now though, I thought I’d give you a wee teaser.  I’ve not used all my best lines – gotta keep some for the book…

Many people who stumble across our site do so because they’ve searched for “Break Up Lines” so this one is especially for you.

I’d like to thank my buddy Geoff Martyn who was the one person who created this site with me ten years ago and who, with his band a few years ago, sang this song “Bring Me Down”. Cheers G.

Hope you enjoy!

Thanks for watching and if you like it – please pass along this page, would you? Many thanks. Happy Friday folks.

FUN: 10 Ways to Annoy An Ex

FUN: 10 Ways to Annoy An Ex

Going through a CD from our earliest days the other night, I came across a fun little article worth dusting off and re-posting. Note: This is just a bit of silliness – to put a smile on that face of yours.

soyouvebeendumped’s Guide on How to Annoy an Ex

"He's loaded"
“He’s loaded!”

1) Rave about how much more your new partner earns (or any particularly big achievement they may have), and especially if they’re taking you away somewhere nice.

2) Tell your ex that they weren’t really attractive enough for you anyway,…

3) Date their best friend (sibling, parent, etc.) Basically anyone really as long as you are “blissfully happy”!

4) Sneak into their house and leave incriminating articles – such as underwear or condoms – for their new partner to find.

5) Tell them you were given two FREE tickets to a MAJOR gig or event. Make sure it’s one you know they’d want to attend, and then say you’d have asked them, but that you didn’t want them to feel “uncomfortable”…you know, “given the circumstances”.

6) Ask if he has started losing a bit of hair (or she has put on weight) since you last saw each other. (Ouch!)

7) Get hired at their company and then proceed to flirt with everyone around the office.

8 ) Sign them up on strange mailing lists or catalogs (e.g. fetishes, dildos and the like…)

9) Write a book or movie about your experience dating them! Or sell your story to the press (if you’re in the UK, I can help with that – email me!)

Having fun!

10) Put the absolute best picture of yourself – preferably with some gorgeous person next to you on your social networking profile or Flickr page  (NOTE: The happier you look the more annoying it will be to your ex!)

Ok really don’t take those too seriously….They’re mostly old suggestions and not ones we here at SYBD can really condone…

What you really need to do to annoy your ex is move on, and be totally and utterly happy. That tends to annoy them more than anything. (Even if they say they want you to move on and be happy – part of them really doesn’t. It dents their ego when they see you getting on with your life without them. No one likes to be replaced.)

Living well is the best revenge. So You've Been Dumped advises this route.So in the famous words of George Herbert – remember that “Living well is the best revenge” and it totally is. Let that be your goal…and don’t take us too seriously on the above tips. Just a bit of light-hearted humor!

OK? OK…

FUN: You Know You’re Single When…

Breakup
Breakup

Last week, a lovely site member who I commonly refer to as “Goldie” started a new, Light Zone thread on the forum called “You Know You’re Single When…” and people have chimed in with their quirky responses. Even I might have added one or two myself.

If you have ones you might wish to add then feel free to add them in the comments box.

Goldie kicks off with:

The other side of the bed becomes a shelf for storage of TV remote, tissue box and books.

ED NOTE: I have to laugh as I add that from here in my bed and glancing left is a journal, the new Sky Magazine, my blackberry and a book rather aptly called “Breakup” by Catherine Texier (pictured).

More replies from various people on the thread:

You don’t trim your lady garden……………. all winter!

There is no lager in the fridge.

You get to wear big, comfy, faded PJs to bed.

You can scope, chat to, flirt with, snog, or date whoever you please without getting a row.

You can have cereal for dinner and soup for breakfast and no one can tell you it’s weird.

You name a football ….. WILSONNNN.

You’re always up before noon at weekends.

You go to someone’s house and forget to close the bathroom door.

You don’t need to stress about birth control or calendars.

When the first person you speak to in the morning is your boss.

It just seems like everyone is getting engaged.

You get to eat the last of the goodies in your fridge.

You end up throwing out a quarter of your fridge each week because it’s gone off.

You are always in charge of the remote & whatever’s on TV is something you want to watch.

You don’t have listen to any boy bands, pop, metal, complaint rock (insert genre) on your iPod or stereo.

Well there are, I am sure, many more fun and funny reasons…

And speaking of music – my friend Kim in Ohio sent me a text message about an NPR radio show “All Things Considered” last week and I am currently checking it out – Breakup Songs, Wherein We Acknowledge Valentine’s Day. I could easily do a show like this, myself. Maybe I will, who knows? After all, I’ve returned to do a stint at RADIO SIX INTERNATIONAL – (who like us turns TEN this year)! My show’s starting this week and it’s a free-for-all.  Yep, carte blanche to play whatever I want.

Break Up songs seems a given for yours truly…

SYBD RECOMMENDS: (500) Days of Summer

(500) Days of Summer – is an absolutely fabby, little film about breaking up, breaking down, and eventually,…breaking through…The tag line for it – “Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t” – pretty much says it all.

It’s a film set in the City of Angels (LA) and stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt who is perhaps best known as the kid on 3rd Rock from the Sun (well that was the only thing I could definitely remember being him in – despite the 50-odd film and TV credits to his name…!)

All grown up now – Joseph plays a romantic (if not a little sappy) guy called Tom who falls hopelessly (it would at first seem) for his colleague Summer Finn – played by Zooey Deschanel. Zooey has a rather different view of love and relationships – one that’s more, ahem, arguably, realistic.

The tale  is told in a backwards and forwards sort of way through the five hundred days – showing their pre-courtship, courtship, relationship and its disintegration – in a fairly plausible fashion.

What I found most captivating was the role of a guy in a break up. You feel his pain as he tries to come to terms with the loss of his “soul mate”. He’s also a guy who ultimately has to turn his pain into gain in true SYBD fashion. I really enjoyed watching him bounce back.

Additionally what was likable about the film, for me, (as ever), was its stellar soundtrack. Often that is what can make or break a film for me. The soundtrack boasts numbers from the Smiths, Belle and Sebastian, Regina Spektor and the Doves too. Heck, I even tapped my feet along to “You Make My Dreams Come True” (Hall and Oates) – when it came on (admittedly during the most inane scene of the whole film).

Not put off by that – I’d have to say it’s a good film, worth seeing – even if you’ve just been dumped. It manages to be an uplifting film without being too terribly trite.

FUN: You Know You’re Over it When,…(part 1)

Just for a bit of fun, some months back, I started a thread in the Single Living forum on SYBD about signs to tell you’re over it – simply called “You Know You’re Over It When…”. There have been many replies – since the thread began so I thought we’d start with a few and add some over the coming weeks. Feel free to add your’s in the comments below.

– they are not the first person you think of when you wake up or the last when you drift off to sleep.

– you forget their birthday (at least until after it happens)

– you can picture them having sex with someone else and it makes you feel absolutely nothing – complete ambivalence

– you no longer check his/her horoscope as you’re scanning the morning Metro.

– you don’t have that desperation to tell them when something really good (or bad) happens.

– you don’t dial 1471 in desperate hope that they called you while you were out.

– you can look at pictures of your happier times and they don’t make you burst into tears.

– you stop having conversations with them in your head…

– you stopped playing those mental movies in your head over and over and over…

– you stop looking for them everywhere you go.

– you see a car like their’s and it doesn’t cause you to have a panic attack.

– you’ve stopped fantasizing about getting back with (or at) them.

– you’ve stopped wearing their shirt that was left behind…

– you’ve stopped counting days, weeks, months (or whatever it’s been), and in fact can’t quite remember when you split…”

SITE MEMBER REPLIES:

GOLDDUST: “You find yourself starfishing across the whole bed”.

PEZ
“you dont subconsciously check your phone and msn every thirty seconds to see if you have a message or to see if they’re online.”

BRAVEHEART: “… you stop looking out for them in the crowd at the train station; other events in your life start to matter more than “THE BREAK UP”; the idea of seeing them again neither fills you will hope nor with dread,  and when something reminds you of the ex, it doesn’t hurt to remember. Also, you can go to new places and no longer feel a pang of sorrow that they’re not there to share the experience with you.

Some fantastic suggestions there. More to be added in a future blog. Feel free to add one of your’s below. Please note: All comments will need to be approved.

FUN: Annoying Cliches Spouted to the Dumped

Annoying Breakup Cliches

Annoying Breakup Cliches

It doesn’t seem to matter whether you were dumped or did the dumping yourself – both parties are subjected to many of the universal pearls of wisdom below – from just about everyone they know.

It happens because people don’t know what to say to you – and so they resort to the tried and true remarks which are very true – however annoying! Some of those remarks are:

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“If you were meant to be together, you’d be together.”

“You are so young, you have time to find the right one.”

“You are too nice for him.”

“It’s for the best.”

“No man or woman is worth your tears and the one who is won’t make you cry.”

“There’s a cover for every pot.”

“Time heals all wounds.”

“It obviously wasn’t meant to be.”

“It couldn’t have been ‘right.”

“There are other fish in the sea.”

“Whatever is for ye won’t go by ye.”

“Men (women) are like buses – another one will be along in 15 minutes.”

“Things always work out for the best.”

“You’ll get over it.”

“Someone better is just around the corner.”

“What comes around goes around.”

“You get back what you give.”

“They’ll get theirs.”

“He (she) will regret it.”

“When one door closes another one opens.”

All of them are true – but when you’re reeling from a cold heart dumping, they offer little consolation. More often than not they make us feel worse. They really do.

So try to remember:

1) If you’re going through a break up and hear the above phrases know that people are just trying to help…

And

2) If you’re witnessing someone else’s heartbreak – be it a family member, a friend or work colleague – try to avoid the cliches.

All you have to do is just listen. If someone really needs advice – send them to soyouvebeendumped.com and leave it to us!

NOTE: This is a very old piece from the early days of SYBD and was resurrected.  When I went to refer her to it I noticed it had never got moved over from the old site and so today it’s back! Thanks for the inspiration! 🙂