How When and Where…
One of the best threads ever on SYBD’s old forum was the “How, When and Where Were You Dumped?” discussion. It was a long-running-thread where people told their personal stories of being deserted in random locations*: like supermarkets, planes, in cars, in bed, on the sofa, in restaurants, in car parks, in the bath tub – the list goes on and on…(*That’s when they were actually dumped in person).
So I decided to start the conversation here on the SYBD blog. Now the comments have exceeded 500. Not too bad. Or, well maybe it is, depending on how you look at it! 😉
Before we get to your stories – let’s look at some other factors at play, like fo instance, timing. Also, in this day and age, the methods used to end a relationship (NOTE: this has changed since we launched in 2000 – with the advent of new technologies and social media).
People the world over have been left at random times, such as, on their birthday, over the holidays such as the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s period, when pregnant, during their exams, on vacation, in the hospital, or on the oh-so-beloved St Valentine’s Day.
Methods for Dumping
Over the years I’ve read stories where site members were dumped on over the phone, by text, by email, over instant messages, on Post-Its (yes even before Sex and the City ever wrote that into their story line, it was on here on our forum,…) one young girl was even dumped by her ex’s mother!
No ways are good ways but arguably one of the worst is…
Dissed by Disappearance
Some people don’t even get the courtesy of a “goodbye” from their former honey – the person just sort of, vanishes. Now called “ghosting”.
That is not a pleasant experience at all. It leaves the one being left with so many unanswered questions. I reckon it could be one of the worst ways of being left. I’m not sure. All ways sort of suck.
That forum thread, and now this blog post, serve as proof of how universally-bad people are when exiting their relationships. Gay, straight, young, old, across this entire globe of ours – it doesn’t seem to matter – we’ve seen people getting it all oh-so-wrong.
No Good Way to Say “Goodbye”
I’ve been dumped over the phone (trans-Atlantic call), in bed, and my husband dumped me face-to-face at the front door as soon as I’d walked in from work one Sunday night (when I had a friend visiting from Australia).
Personally, I’ve been on both sides of the dumping. I’ve learned there are no truly good ways to dump anyone. There are only less bad ways. Even I, who is arguably somewhat of an “expert” on this subject, haven’t always done it the “right” way (if there is such a thing).
In the past, I’ve said cheerio over the phone, in emails (once right before Valentine’s Day! Oops), and in person too.
So nope, the fact is when it comes to leaving – no one I’ve met yet is an “expert” at doing it well.
There is always an element of pain in any parting. That’s why it’s so hard to say goodbye, and why so many people get it so terribly wrong.
Wrong times. Wrong places. Wrong methods.
Share Your Story
So today’s blog post is for you – how when and where have YOU dumped or been dumped? Tell us your story. It’d be good if you have some examples of how you or your ex got it “right” when saying “goodbye”.
Maybe there is something that can be learned from all these so-called “wrongs”. Someday I’ll add it to my chapter on ‘Getting Goodbye Right’…
Thanks for your input!