If you wound up here because you were searching for “funny breakup lines” (and 1000s of you each month are), then you’re in for a real treat! Here are some of the breakup quotes that people have used to dump their partners that have been sent in since 2000.
Please have a read and then share or give us a +1 if you liked them. Also feel free to add yours in the comments below! Thanks!
- “You’re an investment with no return.”
- “I was asked to make a choice. If I had not been asked, I may have chosen differently”.
- “I just don’t think we’re ‘suitable’ suitable”.
- “I feel like this break up has made our relationship so much stronger.”
- “I have only still been seeing you because I felt obliged to, and, if we were right for each other, neither of us should feel like that.”
- “I love you toooooo much, it’s driving me mad.”
- “Sorry for the long silence…I have personal issues lately…Happy Friday!”
- “I know it took me two years to finally get you out on a date, but now I’m feeling tied down…”
- “I just can’t live with the pathetic tickles that you call ‘sexual thrusts’ anymore.”
- “I’m leaving you. Do you want me to go tonight or tomorrow?”
- “I just can’t take the bad sex anymore”.
- “Honestly? It’s you not me, you’re just too perfect for some else. And I’m perfect for the girl on Facebook.”
- “You’re perfect in every way, just not for me.”
- “Oh, sorry, but l am going to my brother’s wedding, and you not invited….”
- “It’s not you. You’re fine, lovely in fact, and much smarter than me. It’s just I want to pursue younger women.”
- “Maybe this breakup will be good for you, since you’ve never really experienced pain before.”
- “I’m just not feeling ‘it’ – so I want a divorce.”
- “I enjoy your company, fancy you like crazy, and love having sex with you, but I don’t love you and I never will.”
- “The problem with our relationship is, we’re in a relationship.”
- “Just the fact that you had to sit me down and talk about our communication problems means that were not going to work out, and we should end our relationship.”
- “Really, our time together has just become more effort than you’re worth.”
- “You care too much about celebrities.”
- “I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you’re not.”
- “I don’t want to have to go on holiday to see my girlfriend. It’s just not fun anymore.”
- “You’re not Mr. Right – just Mr. Right Now.”
- “If only I were in love with just one girl, not two.”
- “I love you, but I’m not in love with you, so I guess I’m more of a lesbian than we thought.”
- “Hmmm, I am not sure that I want to do this anymore…”
- “You have your own life. You have a job. You can’t sleep with me in my bed every night. I really don’t even like her, but she lets me drink.”
- “I want to have fun, and I’m not ready to carry a burden through my youth.”
- “You have an irrational (emotional) intensive feeling for me which frightens me.”
- “I just can’t come up tonight. This whole thing is just making me ill.”
- “You don’t engage me anymore”.
- “I bought my baby’s mama an engagement ring for Valentine’s Day. Since this is the last time we’ll be together, I hope you want to get real freaky.”
- “I need to see other women to prove to myself that my love for you is genuine.”
- “She said that she was better for me than you, so I had no choice but to defend our love and prove her wrong…You should be thanking me for this.”
- “I’ll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow.”
“I need to tell you that someone from my past has come back into my life. I knew her years ago but there were so many things that interfered with her and I having a relationship that could not be overcome, but that has passed and now she and I are making another attempt.”
“I’m making a changes in my life that don’t include you. I’m sorry. I love you but I’m going through a quarter life crisis right now. You know I’m not going to live much longer because all prodigies die young.”
“Isn’t six and a half years long enough?”
“You know how Fromm talks about love being an active process? Well, I’m afraid love didn’t even grow. I’m looking for a Soulmate and you’re not her.”
“It just fizzled out, I am sorry. We are still buds, just not like before, I can’t do it.”
“Please understand that I care for you deeply, but need to finalize my thoughts with her good or bad – for my sake. But I would still like to take you to lunch and call you if that is OK with you. I just can’t see you right now.”
“I am having a disruption in my professional life (leaving my job), so I thought that I may as well have a disruption in my personal life.”
“My ‘friend’ has asked me to move in with her and I’ve agreed, is it alright if I move out on Saturday?”
“My dick is committed to you, but my heart is not.”
“You are the only really good girl I’ve ever met, I will probably never meet anyone like you again. You are really marriage material. If we stay together, we will get married in a few years, BUT I’m not sure I am ready to commit to one person.”
“I just can’t handle the distance…I’m so sorry.”
“This isn’t easy and neither are you…I’m breaking up with you.”
“I just don’t know how much longer I can do this charade that I am happy with the relationship as it is.”
“Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab.”
“I’d like to think that I just need some time, because I really miss you, but really I never loved you and I miss everyone else”.
“I love you. I love hanging out with you. You are so easy to live with. I want everything to remain the same except the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.”
“I know that if I continue seeing you that you that I will want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I’m not ready for that, so I don’t want to see you anymore.”
“Yes, I thought we were getting to the point in our relationship where I might start to fall in love with you, but your insecurities about how I feel about you have made it clear that I can never fall in love with you.”
“You’re a great guy, but I have so much baggage, and right now I have more bad days than good days…It wouldn’t be fair to subject you to that.”
“I still care about you, but I just don’t find my heart jumping out of my chest when I see you anymore.”
“I have lost all romantic feelings for you completely, and I desire no future relationship with you.”
“She’s exactly like you used to be – before you became a bitch.”
“I think you love me more than I love you.”
“Bad news, I met someone last night, and as I neither want to cheat on you nor bull**** you, we should keep seeing us as ‘friends’ only,…if it is OK for you?”
“I’m looking for a long-term relationship, and I just can’t pursue that with you.”
“I think we both rushed into this relationship so fast but forgot to get to know each other. We should have taken our time. You can’t fall in love in two months, but we were so keen to try.”
“We both have some of the qualities we want, but not all of them. I want nothing or easier.”
“The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.”
“We’ve both grown up and changed, I love you, but that kind of love has changed, and it’s not the kind you want from me. I want us to be closest friends instead.”
“I feel like I’m changing, and though I do love you and I really like spending time with you, I’m not as ‘in love’ with you anymore..
“I don’t think you have it in you to be a good mother. When I thought about marrying you, I only thought about whether you’d make a good wife…I didn’t think about whether you’d make a good mother too.”
“I don’t want the responsibility of someone else’s happiness.”
“I’m really sorry to have messed you about, but being with you has made me realise that I am gay and I can’t string you along anymore.”
“I feel alive when I am with her, but I am very grateful to you.”
“If you were about to say that you just wanted fun and no labels, I’d want to continue. But I think you want more.”
“Really, it’s not you, I’m just going through a selfish phase…”
“We don’t make each other happy, is that what you want to hear?”
“I really like you, you’re a lovely woman and we have great fun – you’re just not a long-term prospect.”
“Maybe we have too much in common. We are too much alike.”
“I don’t want you to feel like I’m breaking up with you. I just can’t be in a relationship with you anymore.”
“You’re Muslim, and I’m Hindu, this is never going to work, I’m sorry.”
These sad and funny breakup quotes have been submitted and may end up in a future breakup lines book or app (which I will get around to creating one of these days!)…
Please ask permission to reprint them. Stealing them is uncool. Many of the lines have been taken down to put in the book – so please feel free to add yours in the comments section below. (There are more than 100 more).
If you could say 2 words to your ex right now – what would they be?