FUN: If You Could Dump Your Ex,…

If you could dump your ex, what would you say to him or her now

If You Could Dump Your Ex…

If you could dump your ex, what would you say to him or her now? The reason I am asking is that I have been doing some research this afternoon about what sort of articles are out there about breaking up, divorcing, ghosting (or being ghosted), and so forth.

Anyway, I recently came across one that cited a tweet which made me laugh out loud. It was stupid but it was funny. The article was called “How to Breakup Amicably” (is there such a thing? Perhaps a post for another day)…and in it a ‘breakup text” tweet.

Do you know what? I am not even sure it’s a real text originally, or if someone being funny made it up to look like a real breakup. (You can’t trust everything you see that goes viral on the Internet after all…I mean, look what Land Rover recently did to get some “Revenge” coverage...

Reasons for Leaving

Whether it was a real breakup SMS or a fake dumping text, it got me thinking, if the tables were in fact turned, and you could dump someone who dumped you first, before they got to do it, what would your reasons be?

Have some fun, and aimed at people who, with the benefit of time and hindsight, wished they could beat their ex “to the punch” – as it were.

Maybe they were crap in bed? Or had flat feet? Or their mother was a cow? Their breath was bad? They sat around all day playing video games? Were obsessed with shopping or sport? Who gets their mother to do their laundry (even though they’re forty). Silly stuff.

This Is Just for Fun, Maybe Not Not For Everyone

If you’re newly single, this post won’t be for you. Try back later.

Posts such as this are intended more for people who are no longer missing or hung up on their ex. It’s aimed at those who can look back with a different perspective. Perhaps can laugh about things now – things which maybe were painful at the time.

This is not a post to be nasty, that goes against our general ethos, but is rather to be playful.

Be creative and find something that makes you laugh about your ex, (in a not-too-mean way) ok?

Now you go…Dump Your Ex! Comment below…

Or perhaps you’d rather:

FUN: Translations of Exes’ Break-Up Lines

exit sign
Sharp Exit

Many years ago, half a dozen or so, there was a fantastic thread on our forum started by a Oregonian man we’ll call JM. He readily admitted his long-lasting bitterness, but for a spell, he had a great idea to channel it into a humourous thread.

His idea was to take random “break up lines” that we all know and loathe, and write what they really mean.

After JM began posting his, others chimed in with theirs.

For a bit of Friday fun – here are a few of the highlights of that thread for your amusement!

Feel free to add some of yours below in the comments field too.

Enjoy!

JM: OK.  Let’s have a little fun with this.  Some of these have been used on me!

“We just grew apart.”
Translation:  We just grew apart, because I needed to go f–k someone else.

“I need to move on with my life.”
Translation:  I need to move on with f–king someone else.

“Don’t worry, we?re just friends.”
Translation:  Don?t worry, we?re just friends with benefits.

“I need some time to think.”
Translation:  I need some time to think about who I want to go out and f–k.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”
Translation:  It’s not you, it’s me who needs to go f–k someone else.

“It’s nobody’s fault.”
Translation:  It’s nobody’s fault.  I just need to go f–k someone else.

“You’re a great guy, but…?”
Translation:  You’re a great guy, but I’m f–king someone else now.

“Before I can be OK with us, I’ve got to be OK with me.”
Translation:  Before I can be OK with us, I’ve got to be OK with my need to go f–k someone else.

“I’ve just been trying to stay busy.”
Translation:  I’ve just been trying to stay busy getting busy with my new boyfriend.

“I’m not making any promises.
Translation:  I owe you nothing.  Now I can go f–k whoever I want.

“I’ve been out doing Christmas Things.
Translation: I’ve been at my boyfriends house f–king under the tree.

“If I ever start dating again, I’ll let you know.
When you get a wedding invitation.

HighwayGirl

“I didn’t have enough time to get over my last relationship.”
Translation “I didn’t have enough time to sleep around and see what else is out there….”

“I need to take some time out for Me.”
Translation:…..I need to play the field…

“You deserve better than me.”
Translation: ….I’m not enjoying this anymore, and I don’t want your friends to know what an a$$ I am…

“I need to focus on this new job.”
Translation: ….I need to focus on meeting new women while I am on the road with this new job…

“You are my definition of the perfect woman
.”
Translation:….for someone else….

“The sex was great.”
Translation:…I just need to have it with more people….

While the thread turned into a brilliantly funny act between these two – eventually a few other people chimed in with theirs.

Azureus had a few chestnuts for the mix…

“You are not dependable.”
Translation:…where’s that fxxking ring, my mom’s asking!

“I didn’t know how to handle you.”
Translation:…because I dated boys some even younger than me.
or
Translation:…I have never dated a man before.

“This relationship was not functional.”
Translation:…because I cannot control you

“You are passive-aggressive.”
Translation:…because you answer me when I am ALWAYS right.

“I cannot focus on my life.”
Translation:…because I’ve been telling you I am in love for the first time and all I can think is you.

“I am moving on and so should you.”
Translation:…but if I ever see you with a blonde, I’ll be devastated.

Jodie99

“We’re just friends,…”
Translation: I love to f*&^ you, but I wouldn’t want to have you as a girlfriend.

HUMOUR: Animated Break Up Line # 4 – He’s Just Not Into You, Love

I'm just not feeling "it"
Not feeling IT.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

As it’s Friday, it’s time for another bit of light-hearted humor courtesy of muvizu.com animation.

This is likely to be the last animated break up line for 2010.

Don’t worry we’ll return with more in the New Year. In fact, I believe one of my favorite lines to date, is in the making.

If it’s not done for Christmas Eve – you’ll see it in the New Year! 🙂

This week sees the return of the creative and talented ZiggyStardust. Thanks Ziggy. Impressed you nailed this with one take!

I like to call this Break Up Line # 4 – “He’s just not into you, love”…

Enjoy!

Happy Holidays – Roll on 2011.

HUMOR: Animated Break-up Line of the Week (# 3) Religious Differences

This week, after a week off for Thanksgiving break, we return with lucky  line of the dumped variety, number three. It’s a classic case of “religious differences” and definitely a favorite of mine.

Thanks to Gordon at Muvizu.com for all his hard work and constant tweaks at my demands! (Tolerance of a saint, that one). And thanks to my dear friend, Scots lass Joanne Davy for doing an Irish voice this week. Well, done Jo!

A little tip – wait for the whole video to load before playing it or you’ll miss some of the quirky gestures and looks that make this so funny! 🙂

MORE BREAK UP LINES & ANIMATIONS!

Need a laugh? See more cruel, crazy and classic dumped lines  on our our break-up lines page and the archive of the animated lines here.

HUMOR: Animated Break-up Line of the Week (#2)

Animated Break-up Line of the Week (#2)

Animated Break-up Line of the Week

Well after last week’s popular launch of the animated break-up line that inspired this site, using Muvizu technology, we’ve decided to unveil another line today.

This line was chosen by the animation creator, Ziggy, who found humour in the dead dog imagery.

I was a little less convinced at the time, but do find the end result tasteful enough. The voice work was done by a fellow (former) L107 presenter, Mike Wilson.

Please note: no dogs were actually harmed or killed in the creation of this animation by Ziggy…

Thanks to both Mike and Ziggy for this week’s fun. You can find Ziggy’s Youtube channel here.

Check back next week for another one. Tell your friends.

Find the archive of the videos on SYBS’s youtube channel.

You can find our current list of Breakup Lines here.

Check out 17 Funny Breakup Lines from 17 Years of So You’ve Been Dumped here.

HUMOR: Friday Afternoon Fun, The Line That Inspired SYBD

SYBD LOGO
soyouvebeendumped.com

For more than ten years now, people of all ages, from all over the world, have been sending in their break-up lines. So in the last year or two, I’ve slowly been compiling a list of some of the best one hundred to date for a book which is currently being designed in California.

So to celebrate some of these lines – I’ve enlisted the help of the kind folks at muvizu.com to animate them for us.

Today I am unveiling the line that was uttered to me in March of 2000, and which is the break up that inspired this site.

Break-Up Line #1: The Line That Inspired So You’ve Been Dumped from Thea Newcomb on Vimeo.

We’re hoping to make this a regular feature here on SYBD, so if you’d like to contribute a line or create an animation then please get in touch. We’d love to hear from you. Hope you enjoy it and have a laugh.

Thanks to Joanne Davy, Spike Nesmith for the voices and Eoghan Colgan for the tunage…Check iTunes to buy Eoghan Colgan’s soundtrack to Love/Loss.

FUN: Positive Revenge “Re-Write My Ex”

Ex-Scape
Re-Write My Ex

As it’s Friday, I thought we’d go with something a little “fun” as forwarded by my friend Miss L who writes to me about a friend of hers who found out she was cheated on by her boyfriend of two years. She’s recently dumped him, but has come up with an excellent parting gift. You know what they say – “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”…Well this is an example of what I call “Positive Revenge” – revenge that won’t actually hurt someone else, you won’t get arrested and yet it’s a cathartic exercise. Read on…I’ll let her explain:

“Sharpen your mental pencil, it’s creative writing project time!

After two years, I dismissed my boyfriend this week after discovering he posted a “Casual Encounters” personal ad on Craigslist. ‘Happens all the time, I’m sure.

While packing up some of his personal items to return to him, it occurred to me that I’d like him to know I found the ad. I was just going to print out a copy and put it into his bag of stuff, but I was inspired by a recent online discussion about writing a personal ad for your ex.

Feeling that bigger is always better with breakup gestures, I thought it would be a lovely parting gift (I’m so thoughtful!) to arrange for a variety of people to rewrite his personal ad to fit his new circumstances – and that I’d make a bound copy of the results to remind him of our wonderful times together.

Help me out with a rewrite, will ya? I anticipate fabulous results – all submissions will be kept anonymous unless the author requests credit and if response is good I’ll set up a blog site to share your submissions and possibly open submissions up to the general public (let me know if you’d like to see this).

I’m 35 years old, in good shape and looking for a good time. I’m looking for a lovely lady that wants a little attention this evening. Lonely moms and housewives, mature ladies, thick girls, are what I prefer. I’m clean, I strictly believe in safe sex, and I’m open to meeting somewhere for a drink and a little chit chat to break the ice. My place is quiet, there’s always a drink on hand, and I’m definitely 420 friendly if that’s your thing. There’s even a pool here if you want to take a dip. I like a woman who is aggressive and isn’t afraid to say what she wants. Me? If I end the weekend and get a little oral action in the process, I’ll go back to work on Tuesday with a huge smile on my face. I’m looking for something this evening, so this gives us plenty of time to exchange pics & have a conversation – I’m on AIM and Yahoo instant messenger. Let’s talk!

[THEA AGAIN] OK, so now it’s your turn to write. I bet some of you of you would be pretty good at this. Have a bash. I am sure we can all use a laugh. It’ll be a great topic in the pub this weekend. Have fun! Post your re-writes in the comments field below. Thanks!

GUEST BLOG: Chris Manby on Perfect Timing


Sorry folks, we’re a day late because of the Bank Holiday Weekend here in the UK.  Anyway, here is a re-visit of Chris (now Chrissie) Manby’s piece called “Perfect Timing”. Chris and SYBD have had a long time mutual appreciation society going on and she’s written a zillion fabulous books. Details below for more on Ms Manby.

Chrissie Manby has Perfect Timing.
Chrissie Manby - Perfect Timing for SYBD

Comedy, they say, is all about timing. You want to hear a good one? How about the girl who got dumped seven days before she had to be her best friend’s bridesmaid? She lost fourteen pounds in a week and no longer fitted the disgusting dress she had to wear. She was so spaced out during the ceremony that she completely forgot what her duties were. And when the bride lobbed the bouquet in her direction at the end of the evening, she bungled her catch and ended up with a broken thumb. Funny, eh? Not at the time. (I was that girl).

Neither was it funny for my friend Ruby, whose new millennium started with a goodbye kiss. Or Lou, who went on holiday to celebrate her thirtieth birthday with her boyfriend and came back with a suntan and an ex.

There’s never a good time to be dumped. It goes without saying. But there are definitely bad times and for some reason, the men of my acquaintance seem preternaturally good at picking them. Why is that? And why don’t we see it coming?

Ruby, who was dumped on New Year’s Eve, recalls the Christmas card she got that year. In it, her soon to be ex-boyfriend had written, “Here’s to another wonderful year together!” for heaven’s sake.

My own ex had gone along with the pretense that he would be at that wedding right up until the final furlong. He talked about the clothes he planned to wear. He helped me buy the wedding present. His exit from my life was so sudden and unexpected, there was still a place setting with his name on it at the wedding reception.

Months later, when the pain had subsided, I would still find myself asking why he hadn’t waited just a solitary week longer to drop the axe. But I think I’ve worked it out now. For any sensitive person, deciding when to end a relationship is as fraught as the realisation that you’ve fallen out of love itself.

Inevitably, like the day you first met, the day you leave will become one of those anniversary days. So you don’t want to taint your soon-to-be-ex-lover’s birthday, or Christmas, or New Year, or Easter, or the anniversary of the day they first learned to ride a bike with an unhappy memory. In the run-up to a dumping, the list of veto-ed days can become endless. You don’t want to humiliate them by dumping them before the office picnic that you’re supposed to attend as their date – that adds another month.

You don’t want to dump her just before their mother’s birthday party – that adds a week. And on and on ad nauseam.

Because, they don’t know that the relationship is on the way out, the dumpee-in-waiting will continue to make plans with you. They’ll continue to accept wedding invitations on your behalf. So, the pressure begins to build. Will you never be able to tell them? And everybody knows that a build-up of pressure can’t carry on indefinitely. Something has to give. Just as a champagne bottle shatters if you leave it in the ice-box too long, the dumper says “I don’t love you” at exactly the wrong moment because they’ve been left with no choice.

After months and months of waiting for the right moment, suddenly the idea of seeing your family at your thirtieth birthday party is finally too much. The answer to imperfect timing is simple. As soon as you think it’s going wrong, then have the guts to say it. Just open your mouth and let the pressure out. Hell, who knows, you may even be able to talk through the problems…


Chris/Chrissie Manby is the author of many romantic comedy novels for Hodder and Stoughton’s Coronet imprint. She is also editor/contributor to the Girls’ Night In and Girls’ Night Out/Boy’s Night In anthologies, which have so far raised more than £600,000 for children’s charity War Child, and top
ped book charts all over the world. Chris grew up in Gloucester but now lives in London. She is working on her second screenplay.
Check out Amazon for Chris Manby – books today & her own website is chrismanby.co.uk
FUN: 10 Ways to Annoy An Ex

FUN: 10 Ways to Annoy An Ex

Going through a CD from our earliest days the other night, I came across a fun little article worth dusting off and re-posting. Note: This is just a bit of silliness – to put a smile on that face of yours.

soyouvebeendumped’s Guide on How to Annoy an Ex

"He's loaded"
“He’s loaded!”

1) Rave about how much more your new partner earns (or any particularly big achievement they may have), and especially if they’re taking you away somewhere nice.

2) Tell your ex that they weren’t really attractive enough for you anyway,…

3) Date their best friend (sibling, parent, etc.) Basically anyone really as long as you are “blissfully happy”!

4) Sneak into their house and leave incriminating articles – such as underwear or condoms – for their new partner to find.

5) Tell them you were given two FREE tickets to a MAJOR gig or event. Make sure it’s one you know they’d want to attend, and then say you’d have asked them, but that you didn’t want them to feel “uncomfortable”…you know, “given the circumstances”.

6) Ask if he has started losing a bit of hair (or she has put on weight) since you last saw each other. (Ouch!)

7) Get hired at their company and then proceed to flirt with everyone around the office.

8 ) Sign them up on strange mailing lists or catalogs (e.g. fetishes, dildos and the like…)

9) Write a book or movie about your experience dating them! Or sell your story to the press (if you’re in the UK, I can help with that – email me!)

Having fun!

10) Put the absolute best picture of yourself – preferably with some gorgeous person next to you on your social networking profile or Flickr page  (NOTE: The happier you look the more annoying it will be to your ex!)

Ok really don’t take those too seriously….They’re mostly old suggestions and not ones we here at SYBD can really condone…

What you really need to do to annoy your ex is move on, and be totally and utterly happy. That tends to annoy them more than anything. (Even if they say they want you to move on and be happy – part of them really doesn’t. It dents their ego when they see you getting on with your life without them. No one likes to be replaced.)

Living well is the best revenge. So You've Been Dumped advises this route.So in the famous words of George Herbert – remember that “Living well is the best revenge” and it totally is. Let that be your goal…and don’t take us too seriously on the above tips. Just a bit of light-hearted humor!

OK? OK…

FUN: You Know You’re Single When…

Breakup
Breakup

Last week, a lovely site member who I commonly refer to as “Goldie” started a new, Light Zone thread on the forum called “You Know You’re Single When…” and people have chimed in with their quirky responses. Even I might have added one or two myself.

If you have ones you might wish to add then feel free to add them in the comments box.

Goldie kicks off with:

The other side of the bed becomes a shelf for storage of TV remote, tissue box and books.

ED NOTE: I have to laugh as I add that from here in my bed and glancing left is a journal, the new Sky Magazine, my blackberry and a book rather aptly called “Breakup” by Catherine Texier (pictured).

More replies from various people on the thread:

You don’t trim your lady garden……………. all winter!

There is no lager in the fridge.

You get to wear big, comfy, faded PJs to bed.

You can scope, chat to, flirt with, snog, or date whoever you please without getting a row.

You can have cereal for dinner and soup for breakfast and no one can tell you it’s weird.

You name a football ….. WILSONNNN.

You’re always up before noon at weekends.

You go to someone’s house and forget to close the bathroom door.

You don’t need to stress about birth control or calendars.

When the first person you speak to in the morning is your boss.

It just seems like everyone is getting engaged.

You get to eat the last of the goodies in your fridge.

You end up throwing out a quarter of your fridge each week because it’s gone off.

You are always in charge of the remote & whatever’s on TV is something you want to watch.

You don’t have listen to any boy bands, pop, metal, complaint rock (insert genre) on your iPod or stereo.

Well there are, I am sure, many more fun and funny reasons…

And speaking of music – my friend Kim in Ohio sent me a text message about an NPR radio show “All Things Considered” last week and I am currently checking it out – Breakup Songs, Wherein We Acknowledge Valentine’s Day. I could easily do a show like this, myself. Maybe I will, who knows? After all, I’ve returned to do a stint at RADIO SIX INTERNATIONAL – (who like us turns TEN this year)! My show’s starting this week and it’s a free-for-all.  Yep, carte blanche to play whatever I want.

Break Up songs seems a given for yours truly…