Well as it’s December 24, for many of us (but not all of course), it’s the officially “the holidays”. It’s that time that single people tend to either really look forward to or they dread, very rarely it seems to be in between. For someone going through a break up or a divorce, as you might imagine, there tend to be more in the dread category, which is understandable.

For one reason, it can mean needing to put on that “brave face” to show family, friends and colleagues that we’re fine. For those with kids, it can be most-challenging. Because, while you may want to be there for your kids, there may also be a part of you that wishes you could climb under the covers – only to wake up on Jan 3 when all the hoopla is over.

Sadly, that’s not likely to happen – nor should it. Kids, no kids, single, or attached – take time to be PRESENT. That means not endlessly playing those mental movies of past conversations, past celebrations, past anything.

By the same token thought, it also means not wishing the holiday away either – focusing on some sight on down the road. If and when you find yourself (mentally) in your past or your future, take a moment and focus on your breathing. Slowly inhale through your nose and out through your mouth.

HAVE FUN

The last thing someone grieving tends to think to do is go out and have some fun. In fact, most of us seem to have lost the knack of having fun. Sitting on a long trans-Atlantic flight recently, I was reading a Psychologies magazine article about having fun. As I stared out the window at the clouds below, I wondered when the last time I had some pure unadulterated fun. I can’t remember.

Hey Batter!

Now I am not being saucy here – when I talk of “fun”, or talking about going out on the town and getting drunk or something. What I mean is something like riding a roller coaster screaming your lungs out, rolling down a hill sideways giggling all the way down like you did when you were a kid, or zipping down a hill on a sled if you’re in a snowy area…Or maybe bumper cars, go karts, or even hitting baseballs at batting cages or golf balls at a driving range (those last two can be quite cathartic). Just something that takes you out of your rut, but preferably something that makes you have a few laughs. Laughter it is said is good medicine but laughs can seem hard to come by when you’re healing from a heartbreak. I know…

One fun thing I like to do…is at my gym. Yes, really, it has an indoor pool with a long winding water slide in it. It’s a real hoot zipping along through the curves. You can’t help but have a smile plastered on your face the whole way down!

When was the last time you had some out-of-the-ordinary fun?

It really may be the furthest thing from your mind, if you’re heartbroken, but it could be just the thing you need to get you out of your over-active mind right now.

So please think about something you used to find fun that you’ve not done in a while and schedule it in, soon!

If you’re in an area that decorates for the holidays, go take a walk or drive to see the lights. Even if you’re not one who celebrates Christmas due to choice or religion, you may still find the sparkling lights easy on the eyes!

I know, first hand, how challenging the holidays can be for the newly-single (or even the not-so-newly single). My own marriage ended two months before Christmas, and another biggie heartbreak five month before the turn of the century (that one, 6000 miles from “home”, was a doozy to get through, let me tell you).

I survived and so will you. Well if you want to that is. The only way out of this is through it.

Holidays, from Thanksgiving through to Valentine’s Day, are my busiest times of the year. This is most likely the case because 1) they’re stressful which can make people “snap” and 2) they make people re-evaluate their lives. Relationships, unfortunately, are often the first change made (likely rather rashly, with alcohol involved!)

So if you’re new here, newly single, or simply struggling, you’ve in good company as it were. I am sorry you’re going through this, but 2012 is a New Year with all kinds of new opportunities you can’t even imagine just yet.

I can think of a few people who I talked to last year over the holidays who were single, and by this year they’re engaged (one is even expecting a baby at 42). By the way these are both guys, no less! [Note: the guy's not expecting the baby, his girlfriend is! That really would be a Christmas miracle eh?]

My point is Life Changes. We heal, survive and even thrive, in spite of ourselves sometimes. Just do whatever you can to make it through the holidays. Call on family, friends, colleagues, even this website – for support. Also, take yourself out of yourself by helping someone else. A neighbour, someone you know, a family member who is also struggling this time of year. Connecting with others, really connecting, can go a long way to making us feel better.

So for those who are celebrating holidays this month – Happy Holidays. For those who aren’t, Happy January, it’s just around the corner!

PS: Check out my old blog on Surviving a Solo Yuletide.