Make Lemonade!
Scamper, a nurse from Florida, stumbled onto soyouvebeendumped.com when her six-month relationship ended some years ago. She found herself living in a new area, didn’t have many friends, and in dire need of support.
There is a phrase in America we love to use, namely “when life hands you lemons, you gotta make lemonade”.
On day, I asked Scamper how she’s better as a result of her split.
Scamper says:
“I have so much respect for myself now. No one will ever make me feel bad about myself again. No one will ever get that close to me unless I’ve known them a very long time. I was always a strong person, but I’m even stronger now. Before, I used to let a relationship dictate my mood, life etc – but that will never happen again. It can be a part of my life, but never my whole life. There’s just too many other things out there to spend time with than dwelling on a relationship like it was my whole ‘raison d’etre’.”
She goes on to elaborate on her change of focus that happened within her after her break up.
“MY focus has changed to things that don’t make me lose sleep at night. I’m more involved with hobbies, friends, and volunteering with animal groups. I am a whole person with my life back. Also, my male best friend and I have discussed spending the rest of our lives together, and I know that I always want him in my life. He was, and has been, there for me for the last ten years, and we’ve shared many things over the years.
Thinking about what she’s gotten out of SYBD specifically, she reflects:
“I got an education from SYBD. The advice and the relationship that required the advice, changed how I think. I never had guidelines when I approached a potential relationship, but just followed my hormones/feelings. I now know that it’s more complicated than that. I don’t know why it has taken me so long in life to figure that out but better late than never.
Sometimes I would just pour my heart out and some very nice people would share their heart and advice and then, I wouldn’t feel so alone. This relationship triggered some serious suicidal thoughts that went beyond the actual relationship and SYBD members made me see that. Someone suggested a book to read and others gave of themselves. These people changed my life for the better.
This person was the last straw. I don’t care if I ever date again and am not looking. In fact, I might be avoiding and really don’t care. I’ve been there and done that for decades since I’ve been single since my 20′s. The longest relationship lasted 5 years, and I’ve had many during the past decades. I suppose I now view men in their 50s in a rather detached manner and observe their actions.
I now have a circle of friends here and I watch the drama that occurs in their dating, and am grateful I’m not there. I can’t explain why I took this relationship so seriously at the time, as I now think of it as a one nite stand that lasted too long.”
Time as they say is a great healer, but at the very least it can alter our perspective for good (as in forever, not as an opposite to bad). Funny reading that I can identify a lot with Scamper and what she describes as shifts in herself. I’ve recently been thinking how much my own perceptions have altered since launching back in 2000. My views of relationships have changed, my attitudes towards people, my perceptions about infidelity, basically everything has changed how I view life and the world we live in.
It’s been a few years since Scamper wrote those words, I bet her perceptions have changed even more. We are all constantly changing, evolving, growing and learning. That’s a good thing, I believe. Take care.
